


The Afterlife Is Weird

by ObsidionWingsofMidnight



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014), Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Gen, I'm not even kidding, M/M, background pitchlight because i have no self control - Freeform, be prepared for the slowest updates imaginable - Freeform, characters that are mentally ill but don't want to admit it, concurrent with the film - Freeform, listen, minor fredashi - Freeform, okay maybe not so minor - Freeform, probably won't have a huge role - Freeform, so slow, sometimes the gay just happens and you have to roll with it, sorry - Freeform, tadashi as a guardian - Freeform, they totally are they're just in denial - Freeform, they're super gay, we'll see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2018-04-02 22:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4075927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsidionWingsofMidnight/pseuds/ObsidionWingsofMidnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tadashi Hamada died in the explosion, but it turns out someone has plans for him in the afterlife. And boy is it the weirdest thing he's ever experienced.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Being A Ghost Is Totally Useless

All Tadashi Hamada wanted to do was help people. Why go through life watching others suffer alone when you could offer assistance? To him there was nothing better than lending others a helping hand. Well, except science perhaps. Science was pretty freaking awesome. His combined love for these two things was what prompted him to make Baymax. 

Baymax was his biggest accomplishment. There was nothing like the rush of satisfaction someone gets after having all their hard work pay off. In fact, there were very few moments he had felt more proud  than when he unveiled his creation to Hiro. Making Hiro happy was always one of his top priorities. He may have had a bit of a brother complex.

He was starting to worry he’d never see his brother truly happen again.

Honestly, that was probably the worst thing about dying for him. Maybe his priorities were a little skewed putting his little brother ahead of, y’know, never growing old or getting married or stuff like that, but what could he say? Alright, his brother complex may have been way larger than a bit. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about the other things. He wished he could have lived a long, full life, but clearly that wasn’t going to happen. Besides, he’d much rather this happen to him than to Hiro. That kid had things to show the world. As for Tadashi? Well, he made Baymax and basically raised Hiro, so that would have to do.

And he could handle that. For the most part. What he couldn’t handle was watching his friends and family grieve for him. Aunt Cass and his friends were at least handling his death as well as could be expected. His Aunt already had some experience with death under her belt from when his parents passed away. The thought didn’t really comfort him when he watched her cry at night, whispering to herself about how unfair it was for him to die so young, and how she wished she’d told him she loved him more often.

It seemed impossible for anything else to hurt more than that, but unfortunately it was all too easy.

Hiro, his sweet, completely ridiculous, genius of a brother hadn’t remembered what it was like when their parents died. He’d been too young to fully understand what was going on. Sure, he’d been sad for a while, but it hadn’t affected him as much as Tadashi or Aunt Cass. This was his first experience with death that really hit home.

Tadashi was forced to watch helplessly as his brother faded away. He watched as Hiro sat stone-faced and silent during his funeral, remembered making the same expressionless face himself when he watched his parents’ coffins lower into the ground. He knew that beneath that emotionless mask somewhere deep inside him was probably writhing in agony. He remembered the feelings struggling in turmoil inside him, and locking them up so that nobody could see how much they were tearing him apart. It had hurt so much back then, but it hurt so much more seeing Hiro go through the same thing. Especially knowing that he was the cause of it.

He wished there was something he could _do._ He had tried _everything_.

When he first came to after dying he’d found himself smothered in the ashen remains of the student showcase. It was alarming to say the least. At first he thought he’d miraculously survived. His second thought was that he’d suffocate if he didn’t claw himself out of the rubble. He summoned enough energy to crawl out to safety and took great heaping breaths of smoke free air when he got to a reasonable distance. After that he had searched high and low for his little brother, who had been too close to the explosion for his comfort. He first realized his new… _condition_ when he tried to talk to some cops on scene.

“Excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you, but do you know if anybody was seriously injured? I’m looking for my little brother you see. He was pretty close to the building, and I- excuse me!” he tried to catch a policeman’s shoulder to get his attention. He was promptly shut up when his hand passed right through the other man’s body. The next few moments were spent in complete shock and horror when he realized he must be dead. He probably spent about ten minutes just sitting on the ground with his head between his knees, trying to breathe properly and calm down.

Once he’d gotten a hold of himself, he decided to try and find his family somewhere else. Home or the hospital seemed like viable options. The nearest hospital was still a fair distance away though, so he went to check out the café first. Nobody had returned yet, so he assumed that meant they’d probably be at the hospital then. Tadashi had taken about five steps out the door of the café before the situation came crashing down on him again.

He was dead. There was no way he could have survived that explosion. He was a ghost. And a really lame one at that, considering he couldn’t even walk through walls or float or anything. He also had to breathe. He had always thought that dying would get rid of that problem, but apparently not. Oh god he was actually dead.

Hiro could have been dead as well for all he knew. Or grievously injured. He had wanted to rush down to the hospital to try and find out if his brother was okay- he really had. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it though. He was struck by morbid fear that his worries would be true, and he couldn’t handle seeing Hiro like that. He couldn’t bear to watch his brother die. Instead he went back inside the café, walked upstairs to their shared bedroom, and curled up on the floor next to Hiro’s bed. He forced himself to take deep breaths, put his head back between his knees, but everything just felt so overwhelming. It was like the room was getting hotter, and his head felt like it was going to burst into flame. He waited for what felt like an eternity before he heard the light tinkle of the bell over the front door, signaling the arrival of someone at last.

He almost cried in relief when Hiro dragged himself into the room and collapsed on his bed. The only reason he hadn’t was because he saw the hollow look in his little brother’s eyes, as though a part of him had died in the fire along with Tadashi. The tears came when Hiro’s came bursting forth and refused to stop until after he’d fell into fitful sleep. His hands hovered over his brother’s head, stroking the air just over it so he could pretend like he could actually give his brother a comforting touch rather than just pass through him. He tried to tell him things would be okay, that he was glad he was safe, anything to make the furrow in his brow disappear while he slept. It didn’t work of course because he was absolutely _useless_ dead.

The next month passed in much the same manner. He spent countless hours trying to get Hiro to take care of himself- pestering him to eat his food, begging him to register for classes, giving him hugs he couldn’t feel, and just overall worrying. He was almost out of hope of ever getting his brother to recover. Sure, these things took time, but…he didn’t think Hiro would last much longer if he kept this up.

* * *

 

 

It was a peaceful night. The sky was partly cloudy, giving slight leeway to the moon and the rare star he could make out despite San Fransokyo’s brightly lit streets. The air was warm, but he could feel the slightest chill that signaled the coming of fall. All in all. It was a good night to be awake, which was nice because after he had died sleep had been a nonexistent thing for him. Usually the only thing that kept him entertained during the night was watching the golden streams of light he saw curling through the sky.

The first night he saw them he thought he was hallucinating. Could a person even do that when they were dead? He didn’t know, but considering how sucky the afterlife seemed, he wouldn’t be surprised. He would have considered swatting it away as it got closer, but the scientist in him told him to wait and see what it did before attacking it.

Boy, was he glad he waited because as he watched it swirl around his brother’s head, the furrow in the other’s brow disappeared. He stood stupefied while the light danced above his brother’s head. Upon closer inspection he discovered the light was actually made up of fine sand particles. He, Tadashi Hamada- who had been taking care of his little brother for _ten years_ \- was being beaten at his own job by a bunch of _sand_. He had been forced to come to terms with this fact when his wounded pride admitted that at least Hiro was sleeping well now.

Speaking of the sand, it was almost time for- yep, there it was, whirling across the sky in great arcs and splitting off into smaller columns. He leaned out the window and smiled as he saw a strand approach, moving aside as it twisted into the room. Not for the first time, he wondered where this dream sand was coming from. He’d tried to follow it back to its source multiple times, but alas, he was never able to find it. He had walked about twenty blocks in his search before it had retreated back to where it came from. Wherever it was, it was safe to say it was pretty far away. After that night he had given up on finding the source.

Tonight though…well, he wondered if he should try again. Maybe if he pulled on the strand he could bring the source to him. That didn’t seem like a very likely outcome though.  He didn’t even know if he could touch the sand, much less pull on it like a rope. It couldn’t hurt to try.

He reached out cautiously towards the twirling sand and tentatively brushed his hand along it. Turns out, he could in fact touch this magical sand. It shuddered as soon as he did though. Perhaps touching the sand was not a good idea. He swiveled to see if it had caused a disturbance among the rest of the sand streaming throughout the city and almost had a heart attack.

“Holy-!”

There was a little man staring intently at him outside the window. A little _golden_ man. He looked almost surprised actually, but mostly puzzled. Who the heck was this weird little guy and how was he standing outside his second story window?

“Um…hi?” he asked awkwardly. He was seriously starting to contemplate the whole hallucinating thing again because he had absolutely no explanation for this.

 

The shiny little man smiled brightly and waved back. That was a good sign. He didn’t seem hostile. So if he was hallucinating, at least the projections were nice ones.

“So…what brings you around the neighborhood?” he asked and then winced because it was pretty clear the guy had showed up because of him.

He wasn’t entirely sure what was going on because next thing he knew little golden symbols and pictures were popping up above the other’s head and bursting apart in quick succession. Then the little gold man went flying off in a flurry of gold sand, leaving Tadashi dumbfounded in his wake.

The afterlife just kept getting weirder and weirder.

* * *

 

 

The next night Tadashi waited anxiously for the strange little man to reappear, but the other didn’t show. The gold sand was still there at its usual time, but that was it. Everything was back to usual. And it stayed that way for almost a whole week.

He was watching over his friends at the lab when his world was once more turned upside down.

It was a fairly standard day at the lab. Wasabi was meticulously organizing his work station after Gogo had once again disturbed all the tools from their perfect placement. Honey was tinkering with her lab equipment, as she had been since classes had restarted, seemingly uninterested in actually starting any work. They were all being unusually quiet though. The other students made up for the lack of sound coming from the trio, but it was still unsettling to see them so quiet and yet unfocused. Usually they were only quiet when they were hard at work. And even then, Fred had usually been there to fill the gaps in conversation. Fred wasn’t there though. He hadn’t been coming to the lab as often this semester. Half the time he came he acted like his usual self, cracking jokes and trying to cheer everyone in the lab up. The other half of the time he simply went into Tadashi’s old workspace and stared silently into the distance.

Tadashi’s death had really hit Fred hard. At first appearances it looked as though he was taking it the same as their other friends, but they all knew better than that. He acted like he was okay, but they all knew he was having as rough a time as Hiro getting over Tadashi’s death. He supposed it was important to mention that they had been dating for about four months before the accident.

He knew they weren’t the most conventional of couples, but they went together well. They had been friends for a few years now, and after getting dopey looks from Fred for weeks, Tadashi had finally asked him what was going on. His answer was being told that he was” too beautiful for words” followed by the biggest, dopiest grin yet. He was pretty sure he had blushed right down to his toes because whatever he had been expecting, it had certainly not been that. Yeah, he was pretty much a goner after that. Knowing somebody thought about you like that was hard to ignore, especially when you might have had the teensiest attraction to them already. And by teensiest he meant freaking huge.

Tadashi’s time was usually spent at around 50% worrying over Hiro, 15% watching over Aunt Cass and his friends, and 35% worrying over Fred- who was only doing the most miniscule amount better than Hiro.

He was just about to leave the lab to go look for his boyfriend- well, ex-boyfriend he admitted ruefully- when a cold burst of air hit him from behind and he was manhandled into a giant sack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, the guardian au that nobody but me asked for. But there was a great shortage of them, and I needed one so here I am, writing my own. FML. I want to read this not write this lol. Oh well. Btw, the fic "Lighting Candles" by PitViperofDoom is amazing. And its sequel. You should totally read it if you haven't. And just to be clear, this is my own interpretation of what I think would happen, but if it ever has elements that were inspired by that fic I'll be sure to credit them. And ask them if that's okay. Consent of all kinds is important kiddos. 
> 
> Originally I wasn't going to have any pairings, but then I hopped aboard the Fredashi train, so I added them in. But since it was unplanned I figure it won't have a huge role. At the very least it's not the main plot. 
> 
> Also I apologize for the fact that my updates are always very few and far apart. You've been warned. But who knows, maybe we'll all be lucky and I'll write more soon instead of looking for another job. It's highly possible.


	2. Being Dead is Really Painful

“What the hell?! Let me out!” Tadashi yelled, struggling in vain to try and escape. He didn’t know who had kidnapped him, but they must have been huge if they could scoop him up and lug him around like this. They also kind of smelled like wet dog. It was not turning out to be a very pleasant experience.

All of the sudden he was hit by a surge of cold air. Fall hadn’t even started yet, and San Fransokyo was a fairly warm location. So why was it so cold? Were they passing an air conditioner at full blast or something?

He stopped his shouting to try and gauge their location by listening to his surroundings, but it didn’t sound like they were in the lab anymore. In fact, it didn’t even sound like they were in SFIT. He heard hammers and bells and odd grunting noises. The grunting kind of reminded him of Hiro’s sad impersonation of King Kong.

He didn’t have long to wonder about his whereabouts before he was unceremoniously dumped out of the sack and onto the floor. He shot up off his back and turned to face his kidnappers, but as soon as he did he froze in shock.

Bears. He was kidnapped by big hairy bears. Well, he thought they were bears. They looked sort of like bears. But also sort of not like bears. He was sure his eyes were bugging out like a cartoon character in loony tunes at this point. What in the world had he gotten himself into?

“Welcome, friend!” a voice boomed behind him before he felt a very large hand grabbed him by the shoulder. He would have flinched, but he supposed Wasabi doing the same thing for years must have prevented that. He whipped around to see who had spoken and almost felt his jaw drop in shock.

There was a man smiling expectantly at him, and he was built like a tank. He was right around Wasabi’s size but much older with white hair, a full beard, sparkling blue eyes, what appeared to be tattoos scrolling up his forearms, and he was dressed completely in red. He looked like a buff, slightly manic Santa Clause.

“Uh…what-?” he began hesitantly, not sure what to say. His eyes flitted past the hulking man and landed on a much smaller figure hovering nearby. It was the little gold man. Oh for Pete’s sake this was all that weird little guy’s fault he was here, wasn’t it. Some of his displeasure must have shown on his face because the little man went from waving happily to sheepishly holding his hands behind his back.

“Ah, you’ve met Sandy before, yes?” buff Santa nearly shouted, words rolling off his tongue with a rich Russian accent. Also, Sandy? Was that the little guy’s name?  Talk about unoriginal.

“I, uh, I guess so,” he stuttered.

“Excellent! Then I shall introduce myself! I am Nicholas St. North! Or Santa Clause, or North if you prefer. Either way is fine.” Oh dear God, buff Santa was actual Santa. What in the world was going on here. He didn’t even believe in Santa anymore. He was 21, not 5 for goodness’ sake.

“And that over there is-“

“E. Aster Bunnymund. The Easter Bunny,” another cut in. Tadashi thought it couldn’t get weirder after meeting Santa Clause, but seeing the Easter bunny- who was actually a giant bunny with an Australian accent- was definitely weirder. First it was the strange little glowing man outside his window, then it was the not quite bears kidnapping him, then Santa, and now a giant talking rabbit was in front of him. He was losing it. That was the only explanation for all this weirdness. He had died, and now his ghost brain was going insane.

“And I’m Toothiana! Or just Tooth for short! I’m the tooth fairy!” a bubbly voice burst out before he was being manhandled by a mass of colorful feathers. He made a small sound of surprise while his jaw was being forced open as she inspected his teeth.

“Oh, your teeth are lovely! You always were a good brusher and flosser, even as a kid,” she exclaimed happily. He was forced to stand there in shock at the whole situation. Forget the oversized rabbit; this bird girl hybrid was definitely the strangest thing he’d ever seen. She had a mostly human face and shape, but she had insect-like wings and a body that was covered entirely in feathers that ranged from purple to green. She also flitted around like a hummingbird. He was starting to suspect she was the type that couldn’t sit still for long.

He was relieved to have his jaw back when a new voice interrupted her gushing with, “Geez, Tooth, give the guy a break! Personal space, remember?”

Tadashi looked up to find a young man coasting down from one of the windows. At least this guy could have passed for normal. You know, if he hadn’t just floated down from the ceiling.

He passed a skeptical eye over the newcomer, trying to figure out who he was supposed to be. Like he said, he looked pretty normal except for the shock of white hair atop his head. If he were still alive and walking around San Fransokyo he would have assumed that it was dyed, but given the circumstances, it seemed less likely. Everyone in the afterlife so far seemed to be odd in one way or another.

“Jack! You made it! I’m very pleased by this,” Santa beamed.

“Well, you said it was guardian business, so I figured I’d pop by. Plus I wanted to meet the new meat. Name’s Jack Frost,” he addressed the last part to Tadashi, extending a hand out in greeting. Tadashi reached out and took it hesitantly, noting how cold the other’s hand was. And just as quickly as it was offered, it was snatched back with a cry of surprise.

“You’re hot!” Jack yelped.

“Um, thanks…?” he replied. Well, that was unexpected. He heard the others try vainly to smother their snickers, but to no avail.

“Not like that! I meant your hand! It feels like you’re burning up,” Jack said hotly and glared at the others.

Tadashi winced. He hadn’t liked hearing the word “burn” ever since his death. It was a decidedly unfriendly reminder. And just like that all his bad memories of the accident came rushing back to him like they always did when he got panic attacks. He wobbled unsteadily before dropping to the floor, head in his hands. He thought he might have heard shouts of alarm, but he wasn’t sure. It was so hard to concentrate. He tried to breathe steadily, but his breaths came too quick, too ragged. Oh god he was suffocating, he couldn’t breathe. There was something tight in his chest, squeezing and weighing him down. His heart was pounding wildly. Everything was hot- it was too hot. He saw Professor Callaghan’s horrified face and a hand reaching out too late before everything exploded into white hot pain, and he was burning. _He was on fire._ He was _dying_ , and it hurt so much. Oh god, why? Why did he have to die? He just wanted to help. He just wanted to help.

He felt a mercifully cool gust of air wash over him that helped lower his rising body temperature. This in turn helped his heart beat return to a more stable rate and his breathing even out. The gnawing terror receded to a much more manageable amount.

“Oi Mate, are you alright there?”

He raised his head so his tear covered face wasn’t hidden by his hands.

“Yeah,” he croaked. It was an entirely unconvincing syllable, but it was the best he could do at the moment.

“What’s your name, son?” Santa asked in a surprisingly quiet voice.

“It’s Tadashi. T-tadashi Hamada.”

“Well Tadashi Hamada, you gave us quite a scare there. First with the falling to the floor bit, and then with the-well,” the bigger man gestured to the floor surrounding Tadashi. He stared in shock at the scorched floor around him. There was no denying it this time. All the other times he had bad panic attacks he’d noticed that the surrounding area always looked a little burnt, but he kept himself firmly in denial. He’d tell himself things like Hiro probably blew something up, or Honey Lemon probably had a minor explosion in the lab that he hadn’t noticed before. This here was solid evidence that he was the one causing it. He guessed he fit in better with these strangers than he thought.

“I…I’m sorry,” he whispered. He was still huddled on the ground, knees bunched up against his chest. He dropped his head back into his hands and let out a quiet sob. This was all too much. He couldn’t handle this. How did everything end up like this? He just wanted everything to go back to normal.

“Is there anything we can do for you, Tadashi?” Tooth asked, “We were going to discuss something with you, but I think it can wait for another day. And we promise we won’t let North use the yetis to kidnap you next time. Is there anything we can do to help? Anything you want?”

He knew what he wanted. He wanted to be _alive_. He wanted to be with his friends and family and to not have these horrible memories. He wanted one of Fred’s hugs because they always had a magical way of making him feel better when he was alive.

“I want Fred,” was all that came out.

“Fred? Is that a friend of yours?” she asked. He nodded.

“Okay then, mate, where is this Fred?”

“Back in- in San Fransokyo. He wasn’t in the lab before. He might be at home,” he said, voice a little stronger now.

“Do you have coordinates?” Santa queried. He listed off Fred’s address and allowed the Easter bunny to haul him to his feet. He watched tiredly as Santa pulled a snow globe out of his pocket and tossed it on the floor, creating a portal straight to Fred’s front door.

He cautiously opened the front door, hoping fervently that Heathcliff wasn’t nearby to see it open seemingly on its own. Fortunately the immediate area seemed clear of any onlookers.

“Wow. Your friend sure has a nice place,” Jack whistled.

Tadashi chose to ignore him and headed unsteadily towards Fred’s room. He really hoped Fred was there right now. Even if he couldn’t see him or talk to him or hug him the way he used to. It would be nice just to be around him.

The others followed uncertainly behind him, except for Tooth who hovered nervously at his side. He was sure they were all worried he’d end up falling apart in front of them again, and frankly he couldn’t blame them. He’d probably act the same way if he saw one of his friends go through the same thing.

Thankfully the door to Fred’s room was open. He peered inside, eyes skimming past all the familiar superhero merchandise and that ridiculous painting of a muscular Fred riding a winged tiger. It was simultaneously the best and worst painting he had ever seen. But he wasn’t paying attention to the painting this time; he was looking at the doorway that led to Fred’s actual bedroom.

Inside he found his boyfriend- ex-boyfriend he bitterly corrected himself- lying motionless on the bed with a book over his face. Surprisingly, it was not a comic book. In fact, it was a scrapbook- one that he recognized all too well. It was _their_ scrapbook. The one Fred had insisted on making after they told their friends about the new development in their relationship. Honey had gone nuts and wouldn’t stop taking photos of them for weeks. Fred had insisted that since she was taking so many pictures she had to send them to him so he could make a scrapbook. She had gleefully accepted and even offered to help him with it. The result was a mix of unplanned pictures surrounded by hearts and superheroes. It was rather endearing really. At least it had been when he was alive. Now it sent a sliver of pain through his chest, seeing Fred cling to it like it was all he had left.

Tadashi sighed and collapsed face first onto the unoccupied space of the king size bed. Fred hastily flung the scrapbook off his face and to the floor in his surprise. For a split second he saw a glimmer of hope in the other’s eyes before it died out and he realized the space next to him was empty. He guessed it never occurred to Fred how unusual it was to have the mattress dip with the weight of another person but not see anyone there. He assumed from Fred’s point of view that there would be a Tadashi shaped dent in the bed beside him, but maybe Fred was just really oblivious.

“Aw man, I can’t take this much longer. Maybe I should get a therapist like Heathcliff said to,” he groaned, rubbing his eyes with his fists. Tadashi suddenly felt bad about how often he did this and how it must have made Fred feel. Apparently the other also thought he was going insane. And once again, it was Tadashi’s fault. Great.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw his new acquaintances peek around the door frame at the two men lying on the bed. Fred groaned again before finally lowering his hands and flopping back onto the mattress.

“Will you be alright if we leave, Tadashi?” Tooth asked timidly from her position fluttering outside the doorway.

Fred snapped abruptly to his feet, startling Tadashi so bad that he almost fell off the bed.

“Holy mother of Megazod- who are you guys and how do you know Tadashi’s name?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said that Fredashi would be minor, but you know what, plans change, so screw that. There's not enough Fredashi fics anyways. But there will still be a plot that's not focused entirely on romance! God I hope so. Lord forgive me if there's not, cuz that was definitely not what I planned. Also, SURPRISE! I actually updated suuuuper soon. this never happens. Like ever. Hoo boy, this is a doozy. 
> 
> P.S. Sorry I don't edit these things before I post them. So, if you see something weird feel free to let me know.


	3. Hit Rock Bottom and Still Got Lower

** Chapter 3 **

Tadashi never thought he would ever wish to be flung into a cage of hungry tigers, but hey, you learn something new every day. Between getting eaten by tigers and finding out his no-longer-boyfriend could see all the weirdoes in the room _except_ him, he would gladly take the tigers.

“You can see us?” Jack asked incredulously, edging further into the room.

“Yeah, dude, why wouldn’t I?” asked Fred.

“Well…normally people- er, adults- can’t see us. It’s usually just children. Believers of a certain sort,” Tooth explained. This was news to Tadashi. To be fair, his new acquaintances hadn’t exactly had a lot of time to say much to him before.

“Believers in what? Actually, before you answer that, can you please tell me who the heck you all are because I have absolutely no idea,” Fred said. He shifted warily from foot to foot, left hand moving back to rub at his neck.

“Oh right!” Tooth exclaimed, fluttering back a few feet.

“I’m Jack Frost, she’s the tooth fairy, that’s Santa Clause. the sandman, and a wild kangaroo we just picked up on the way,” the white haired boy said, pointing to each person until he stopped on the Easter Bunny.

“Oh, laugh it up, Frostbite, I’m still celebrated more than you,” the rabbit snorted.

“Jack is just kidding, that is our good friend the Easter Bunny,” Santa beamed.

“Oh my god, oh my GOD, _what_? IsthisrealthisissocoolohmygodnowayWHAT,” Fred rambled, words spilling out faster than Tadashi thought was possible.

“Fred-,” _breathe_ , he almost finished before he remembered that his friend wouldn’t be able to hear him. Sometimes it was so easy to forget he was dead. Just another thing he never thought would happen. He felt something twist bitterly inside him.

“Whoa. Just, whoa. I mean this is amazing. I totally knew you were real, though you look nothing like I thought you would,” Fred gushed.

“Well, that explains why he can see us,” Jack said, “after all, only people who believe in us can see us.” He glanced in Tadashi’s direction, probably making sure he was listening. As if he would be doing anything else.

So it looked unlikely that Fred would ever be able to see him. After all, he wasn’t some fairytale kids grew up with, was he? Nope, he was just plain old Tadashi, the guy that had died before he graduated college. Yeah, that would make a great fairytale. It could be called “Stay In School, And Stay Cool By Not Running Into Burning Buildings”.

“Man, you all look so cool, nice tattoos, wasn’t expecting those, the feathers are a nice look, cool staff, bro. Is that a boomerang? You know, I once threw one of those and it never came back, so now I live in mortal fear of its return,” Fred gestured with his hands, face serious. That got a snort out of Tadashi. He buried his face into the pillows to try and stifle his laughter.

“Wait a second, I just remembered- you said something about Tadashi. Like you were asking a question. How do you know Tadashi?” Fred asked, sobering everyone up immediately.

Tadashi twisted around and froze, waiting to see what they would do. Would they tell him he was here? There was a small flutter of- dare he even say it- _hope_ in his chest.

“Oh. Uh, we were just…talking about _you_! And if you would be okay if we left! Because…you seem so upset about this Tadashi. Whom we know because… of this book! On the floor. With you two in it. And his name written right here,” Tooth scrambled, picking up the discarded scrapbook and pointing at a picture of them in Tadashi’s workshop captioned “Fred and Tadashi 4ever” with a little heart drawn next to it, courtesy of Honey.

“That’s…nice of you, but why are you so concerned about me? I mean, you seem kind of surprised I can see you, so it can’t be because of that.” There was also the matter that there was no way they could have seen that when they first arrived since  the scrapbook had been covering Fred’s face, but apparently his boyf- _Fred_ wasn’t going to point that out.

“There is special plan for you! In the future!” Santa blurted. The others looked at him in poorly concealed panic.

“Special plans? Like what?” Fred asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

“Uh, we can’t tell you! Because…well, we just can’t, so don’t ask,” Jack supplied.

Fred looked less than impressed, but Tadashi knew he had always wanted to be some part of some big plan in the universe, so he might just buy it.

“Well, I guess that’s for the best. Nothing good ever comes from learning about the future anyway. Too easy to change what’s supposed to happen and screw everything up,” Fred reasoned, resting his face against his right hand. Tadashi didn’t know whether to be relieved or vaguely disappointed by Fred’s easy acceptance of the lame excuse. He didn’t even know why they didn’t just tell him that he was there with them. It actually kind of annoyed him. After all, if they did tell him, then maybe Fred would believe he was still around. Which would hopefully lead up to Fred being able to see him again. Yeah, that would be nice.

“So…you and Tadashi, huh?” Jack said, flipping nonchalantly through the scrapbook as Tooth held it up.  

“Huh? Oh…yeah. Yeah, we um… He was great. The best really. He’s not- not here anymore. He uh, he died. Recently,” Fred replied, voice cracking and eyes looking a little more moist than usual. His friend turned his face away, so he missed the looks of sympathy and pity on the others’ faces. Tadashi really wished the ground would just open up and swallow him. He shouldn’t have come here. This was a terrible idea.

Fred cleared his throat, “Anyway! I’m fine now, nothing to worry about- Heathcliff makes sure I’m well taken care of. He makes sure I eat and sleep and shower and all that sort of stuff. So you really don’t have to worry about me.” He smiled so convincingly Tadashi would have believed him if he hadn’t been watching over him since his death.

“But uh, if you’re checking up on people, there’s actually someone who I think needs some help. His name’s Hiro. He’s Tadashi’s little brother. I mean, you probably won’t be able to talk to him or anything ‘cause he’s super into science. He’s more of a seeing is believing person than a believing is seeing kind. You could still check up on him though. None of us has seen him since…well, you know. I mean, if you have time, that is. I don’t wanna distract you from whatever kind of important holiday stuff or whatever you got going on.”

Oh god, Hiro. He totally forgot about him. He was a horrible older brother. He’d just been so caught up in everything. There was a brief moment when he had to choose between returning to Hiro or going to Fred’s, and well…. See, the thing was, he had been terribly vulnerable. He had wanted comfort, and he knew if he went to Hiro he would end up feeling more miserable and guilty than ever. With Fred there was at least a slightly larger possibility that he would actually feel better. That had backfired spectacularly, but how was he supposed to predict that?

It seemed that the universe was intent on making Tadashi feel like crap today. He supposed it was time to return to his brother anyway. He’d left him alone for hours. Who knows what Hiro had done in that time span? Probably nothing, but he ought to go back just in case. Maybe his little brother was finally going to move on with his life. He’d feel awfully stupid if Hiro made such a big step when he wasn’t around to see it.

He leapt off the bed, intent on dashing out the door to find his brother. There was the briefest pause where he debated staying with Fred to make sure he was going to be okay over checking on Hiro. The big brother complex won over though, and off he went.

* * *

 

“Tada-!” Tooth started to call out after the boy. She was promptly shut up by Jack’s hand clamping over her mouth. _Oh. That’s right, I can’t let Fred know about Tadashi_. She pushed Jack off and plastered a smile on her face, attention once more focused on the one truly living person in the room.

“That sounds like a good idea. We’d love to check on your friend when we have the time to spare. It shouldn’t be a huge problem.” That may have been a bit of a lie. They were busy people. They only took the time off today to meet Tadashi, and well…

“Okay, that’s great! Thanks!” said Fred.

The boy looked confused by her outburst but didn’t comment on it. He stepped forward and held his hands out in askance. It took a second for her to realize he was asking for the scrapbook back, but fortunately the other guardians were there to make up for it. She didn’t protest when Jack plucked the book out of her hands and into the other boy’s.

Fred walked back to the bed and set down gently against the pillows resting there, but only after taking a moment to stare longingly at one of the pages. She couldn’t see it from her position, but judging from the look on his face, North could. She’d ask him about it later.

“Well, I hate to break up the party, but I’m afraid we all have jobs to get back to. Except for you, Frostbite,” Bunny spoke, breaking the silence.

“Hmm? Oh. Yeah, go ahead. It was nice meeting you,” Fred smiled, waving as they made their farewells. The last thing she saw after stepping through North’s portal was the childlike wonder on the boy’s face fade back to melancholy when he turned his head away.

It was times like these she remembered how sad it was for people to become guardians. Yes, being a guardian was wonderful. She loved her job, she truly did. But seeing Tadashi, newly reborn and struggling with his role in the afterlife reminded her of all the things guardians were forced to leave behind in their new lives.

Jack had been one thing, left without memories for centuries, but Tadashi? He remembered his life, he watched his friends and family try to move on without him. She couldn’t help him the way she could’ve helped Jack. As for the rest of them- well, they never had to die in the first place. It was becoming a disturbing trend for the newest guardians to die before joining.

She didn’t know much about Tadashi at all, but she saw that he clearly cared for his brother and his friend. She supposed Fred was more than just a friend to Tadashi. She could hardly deny it after seeing those photos. What must it be like to have a relationship one day and have it end through neither of the partner’s consent? The soon-to-be-appointed guardian clearly still had feelings for the other. And Fred obviously reciprocated those feelings, but they couldn’t be together anymore. Tadashi had a new life now.

She hated to admit it, but Tadashi would just have to learn to move on. That was going to be a tough talk, she could tell. She wished there was something she could do.

* * *

 

“Should we go look for the new guy again? Or do you think he’ll be alright?” asked Bunny.

“I don’t know where he went. I can’t open a portal without knowing where to go.”

“Oi, Sandy, don’t you know? Weren’t you the one who found him first?”

Sandy nodded enthusiastically before conjuring up images of busy streets and buildings.

“Look, we don’t have to go right now, do we? He seemed a lot better after we visited that other guy. Plus, he only left after his brother was mentioned. He’s probably just doing a brotherly check up. I say we leave him be for now. We’ve bothered him enough for one day. We can catch him up on guardian mumbo jumbo later,” Jack said.

“I have to agree with, Jack,” said Tooth.

“Tadashi’s had a hard day. Besides, I already told him we’d talk to him about business another day. I don’t want to go back on my word. Bunny wasn’t kidding about the work when we left either. I have a lot of catching up to do with my fairies. So, let me know when we’re going to see Tadashi again, but until then, I have teeth to collect.” And with that she whisked away, signaling the others to disperse as well.

With luck, their next conversation with Tadashi Hamada would go much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I already apologize for the slow updates? Cuz I'm gonna do it again. Sorry. I really am. But hey! It could be worse- my other fic hasn't been updated since like february. And I have no idea where I'm goin with that one. So...y'know...perspective lol


	4. Sometimes You Just Need A Push

Tadashi was just in time to see Hiro unwittingly activate Baymax. His brother looked surprised to see Baymax. To be honest, he was kind of surprised too. He may have forgotten that he’d stored his robot in his old room.

He did his best to catch his breath while he watched Baymax pester Hiro over his stubbed toe. Running all the way from Fred’s mansion may not have been the best idea. He missed his moped. It was too bad he hadn’t carried that on with him to the afterlife.

_SNAP_. There went the shelf. And…all the action figures on top of it. Ouch. Hiro may have been a veritable genius, but he apparently lacked the common sense to tell him not to use a single shelf as leverage. Baymax attempted to help Hiro with his injuries again, however unwanted his assistance was.

Now that he thought about it, he probably should have programmed something for that in. If people didn’t want his help, then Baymax probably shouldn’t keep attempting to fix them up. Some people got violent when you kept insisting on helping them when they didn’t ask for it. His robot’s squishy exterior would hold up fine against things like fists, but if it ever got punctured… well, it would be a lot harder for him to go around helping others. If only there were some way he could program Baymax to-

“Your tiny robot is trying to go somewhere,” the robot’s voice broke through his thoughts. Tiny robot? Was that what he thought it was?

He stepped closer to Baymax, peering into the container he was holding. It was a microbot. What the hell was that doing here? He thought they all got destroyed that night he- no. He was not going to think about that. He’d had enough of those thoughts for the day.

“Oh yeah? Why don’t you, uh, find out where it’s trying to go?” his brother replied.

“Would that stabilize your pubescent mood swings??” Baymax asked.

“Uh huh, absolutely,” Hiro deadpanned. His brother was an idiot. Baymax had zero understanding of sarcasm, so now he was heading off to see where the microbot was trying to get to.

“Hiro, you’re my little brother, and I love you, but if you get my robot damaged over something so stupid, I am going to _strangle_ you.” That was obviously untrue, but saying it felt right. It felt like he was a normal guy telling off his kid brother over something harmless. God, he missed being alive.

“Baymax?” Hiro asked, turning his head to look for the robot. The bell on the door downstairs jingled, and Hiro flung himself to the window, gaping at the sight of Baymax wondering down the street.

“Baymax!”

* * *

 

 

While Tadashi may not have been pleased by his brother’s careless behavior regarding Baymax, he had to admit it was good to see Hiro being active again. For the first time in ages, he got to see his brother running around San Fransokyo like he used to. It was definitely an improvement to the endless moping he usually saw. Nothing like a big scare to really get you going….

Speaking of panic inducing things, what in the world were they doing in front of this creepy old warehouse? This place looked like it would collapse under a strong gust of wind. Hiro wasn’t actually thinking about going in there was he?

Why yes, yes he was. And he had to choose a completely unsafe way to do it. Splendid. If Tadashi had a corporeal form he would have cuffed his brother over the head for doing something so colossally stupid.

Fortunately Hiro and Baymax made it through the window unscathed.

It suddenly occurred to Tadashi that he had no idea how he was going to get inside. Oops.

He paced in front of the warehouse for a bit, chewing on his lip as he tried to figure out a solution to his problem. He had to think fast too because he didn’t want to leave Hiro alone in a situation like this for long. His brother had a special knack for getting into trouble. And he had a feeling nothing but trouble was going to come from this microbot situation.

God, what was he going to do?! He was having flashbacks about all the other times Hiro had gotten himself into dangerous situations, and it was not helping at all. Because unlike all the past times, he wasn’t going to be there to help Hiro. GOD, WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE?

A slight burning smell caught his attention. He turned on the spot until he found the source- a small patch of grass was smoldering off to his left.

An absurd solution to his problem popped into his mind. He grasped the chain locking the doors and took a deep breath.

“This is crazy,” he whispered to himself. What other option did he have though? Crazy would have to do.

He stared intently at the chain in his hands, trying to find that scorching heat he sometimes found inside him. Nothing happened.

This was ridiculous. Every time he got upset he ended up combusting, but now that he actually needed some heat, he couldn’t do anything! What was he supposed to do, have a full blown panic attack in front of this musty old warehouse? Would that burn down the doors? That would be way too dangerous. That’s why he was staring at this stupid chunk of metal in the first place, trying to melt it in vain.

“I can’t believe this is happening. Am I destined to be completely useless forever? Argh!” he shouted at the sky.

“Okay, Tadashi, this is just a minor setback. Time to pull out your thinking cap, and- and think of something.” So far so bad. He couldn’t even think of anything sensible to say to himself. He wished life was more like a movie. Then he’d probably have some sort of wise guru to give him advice.

Hmm. Well, none of those around. Maybe he could be his own guru? That seemed like a dumb idea. Then again, he didn’t have any other ideas, so he might as well try.

Now what would a guru say? They’d probably ask him a question. _Why did he need to melt the chain?_ To get in the warehouse. _Why did he have to be in the warehouse?_ To be with Hiro. _And why did he need to be with Hiro?_ Because he was his big brother, damn it! He was supposed to be there for him, to keep him safe, and watch over him. He wanted to protect his brother because… because he was scared. Cold crept into his limbs as he admitted the truth. He was scared his brother would get into big trouble he couldn’t save him from. He was scared that Hiro would get hurt- that he’d end up like Tadashi. If anything ever happened to Hiro…he’d never forgive himself. Just thinking about it made his chest hurt. A world without Hiro Hamada was too cruel a world to imagine. He couldn’t let that happen. Not when he was alive, not now, not _ever_. No matter what it took, he would protect his little brother. And that included melting this stupid ch-

“Oh,” he breathed in surprise, looking at the last of the metal seeping through his clenched fingers. The remainder of the chain and the lock attached to lie in a heap on the ground. Perhaps he should look into becoming a spiritual wise-man.

It was quiet as he stepped into the warehouse. He wasn’t sure if he had expected this or not. Part of him had, but another more suspicious part of him had expected lots of shouting and mayhem. Quiet was good though. It mean his brother was probably fine. And look- there was Baymax, looking over at-

“Oh no,” he heard his robot’s mechanical voice say before all hell broke loose. Good things never lasted for long. Instead they were replaced by swarms of microbots trying to attack your brother and the robot you made.

“Hiro, this way!” he yelled. By some miracle, Hiro actually went in the direction Tadashi prompted him in, dragging his far too slow companion behind him. The clatter of the microbots chasing them was nearly deafening. To his chagrin, his brother sped right by the doors- which he of course didn’t know were unlocked now- and somehow they all ended up getting launched right out the window. Fortunately for Hiro, Baymax cushioned his fall. Unfortunately for Tadashi, he hit the ground straight on. If he weren’t already dead, he almost certainly would have broken something.

Honestly, the rules for being a ghost were so confusing. He could touch inanimate objects like walls and microbots and the _freaking_ ground, and even plants, but living creatures? Not so much. It didn’t look like he had to worry about long term physical injury either. He could definitely feel pain though, he noted ruefully.

“Just walk it off… No pain, no gain,” he groaned miserably as he picked himself up off the ground. He wondered if this is what it felt like to get hit by a semi-truck. It was probably close.

He trailed after his brother as quickly as he could. If only Hiro would run a little slower…

* * *

 

 

Fred stared dejectedly at the wall in front of him. The sheer wonder of the afternoon's events had dissipated almost immediately after his visitors left. They had been amazing of course, but he couldn't help but feel that they were hiding something from him. It really didn't seem as though it had anything to do with his plans for the future either. He brushed it off at the time, but only because they were unlikely to tell him the truth. He had a nagging suspicion it had something to do with Tadashi.

He sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. Everything became so complicated after Tadashi died. It all happened so fast, there was barely any time to blink. One minute everything was looking bright, and the next minute it had all burned to ash and bittersweet memories.

If only he could turn back time.

Sadly, he did not have this ability, so he was reduced to flipping forlornly through the scrapbook Honey Lemon had helped them make. It was a nice memento, but that's all it was- just an object to remind him of what once was. He'd much rather have the real thing- a real person to hold his hand and tell him it was going to be okay. To be fair, he did have that in his friends and in Heathcliff, but... nothing could really replace who he was missing. And he didn't want anyone to.

It was such an odd thing. He wanted to feel whole again after having such a huge part of himself ripped away, but he didn't want anything to take Tadashi's place. That part of him that belonged to Tadashi would always belong to him, and he wanted to keep it that way. He didn't want someone or something to come in and cover up that part of his life. The idea alone twisted up his insides. It felt like it would be betraying Tadashi and all the time they spent together. He didn't know what to do though. It wasn't as if he could take the broken pieces of his life in his hands and patch them up together with duct tape.

_Oh Tadashi, why did you always have to be so brave?_

The answer to that was because he was Tadashi. And he wouldn't have had him any other way.

He smiled his first real smile in days. Even after he was gone, Tadashi still found ways to make him smile.

He lifted their scrapbook back into his hands and perused through it again. It wasn't very old, but the pages were well worn from use. He often found himself flipping through it, sometimes up to nine times a day. He couldn't count how many times Heathcliff had found him like that, just sitting on the bed or the floor with the tear-stained   pages in his grasp.

After a little mindless page turning he finally settled on the picture he always had trouble tearing himself away from. It was arguably his favorite picture of them together.

The gang had been goofing around in the nerd lab that day- getting absolutely no productive work done after Fred had shown up. Not that any of his friends had been getting any work done before he came. Tadashi had actually been asleep when he arrived. Fred had walked into Tadashi's work station to find Honey and Gogo drawing on his boyfriend's face with markers while Wasabi looked on in a mix of amusement and horror. The sight made him burst into laughter, waking Tadashi up in the process. They all had a good laugh after that, including Tadashi once he got a good look at his face.

The picture was taken a few minutes later when the rest of the group decided to clear out and pretend they were working again. It only showed them from the shoulders up, but he remembered the exact moment when it was taken as if it had just happened mere moments ago.

Tadashi had been straddling his lap, arms thrown carelessly around Fred's shoulders with his hat on backwards so their foreheads could touch. They were both smiling- Tadashi's shoulders had still been shaking a bit with laughter. His boyfriend's eyes were closed, crinkling at the corners, but his own eyes had still been open, capturing the look of utter happiness on the other's face.

It was a perfect moment captured in a perfect picture. Honey must have snapped it right as she was leaving. She was good at taking impromptu photos. It was probably for the best she took it with that side of Tadashi facing her. The other half of his face had a drawing of a dick on it- courtesy of Gogo. Honestly, that would have been really funny, but he supposed the side with flowers and hearts scribbled on it was a bit classier.

There was a familiar ache in his chest that grew the longer he gazed at the photo. He knew he was supposed to move on, to find someone new or at least stop pining over what he lost. He just couldn't imagine doing it. How did anyone move on after their other half was taken so abruptly from them? How could anyone become what Tadashi had been for him? In his mind it was simply impossible. No, he was destined to live a lonely single life until the end of his days. He wondered if he’d learn to cope with the pain. He’d never stop missing Tadashi or stop wishing that he could have prevented his death.

Sometimes he even wished he'd died in that fire too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who updaaaated. Apparently me. I'm proud of myself. And it only took like a month. Shhhh. Let me have my moment. I wrote like half of it last night on Zenwriter. That program is great. Tumblr is very useful for finding random things I didn't know I needed til then.   
> But yay! We're finally getting somewhere! Also we get a closer look into Fred! A sad one, but still.


	5. There Is No Common Sense In Genius

Tadashi strained to keep his laughter in check as he watched Hiro smuggle Baymax back upstairs without Aunt Cass noticing. He had never seen Baymax with his battery so low before, and the result was hilarious. He acted much like the drunk college students he occasionally crossed on campus. Even getting him to return to his charging station was a struggle. He felt like his sides were going to split open.

"Tadashi." He froze. _What_?

"What?" his brother voiced his thoughts.

"Tadashi," the robot repeated, staring at the dark corner of the room that used to be his. He let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. For a moment he'd had this irrational idea that Baymax had seen him.

"Tadashi's gone," Hiro said as he crossed the floor to close the divider.

"When will he return?" Baymax asked. It was such an innocent question, but it brought waves of pain with it.

"He's dead, Baymax," Hiro replied wearily. There was the slightest tinge of bitterness in his voice that Tadashi recognized. To him it was practically shouting at him for an answer to an unasked question. It was the same question Tadashi used to ask his parents' headstones.

_Why did you leave me?_

He wished he had an answer to give his brother, but he knew nothing he said could possibly make up for what had happened. 

"Tadashi was in excellent health. With a healthy diet and exercise he should have lived a long life."

"Yeah. He should have. But there was a fire... and now he's gone."

"Tadashi is here," Baymax spoke, nearly giving Tadashi a heart attack. For a second he could've sworn his creation was looking right at him. But that was impossible....

"No," Hiro said exasperatedly, "People keep saying he's not really gone, as long as we don't forget about him. But it still hurts."

"I see no evidence of physical injury."

"It's a different kind of hurt," Hiro tried to explain. The next few minutes made Tadashi more proud than ever when Baymax took it upon himself to figure out how to help Hiro heal from his loss. The message his friends had sent sparked a warm feeling inside his chest. It wasn't like the kind he got when he got upset either- those ones felt like a raging inferno trying to burn him from the inside out. This heat was different. It was softer and quieter. Present but unassuming. For lack of better words: it was nice.

That nice feeling was swept away as Hiro's thoughts took a turn for the worse. There was a look of determination in his eyes that Tadashi hadn't seen in a while. Unlike the previous times he'd seen that look, this one wasn't lighthearted and full of hope. There was something darker about it. He couldn't quite place it. Revenge seemed too harsh a word to associate with that look, but it was something close to it. Dread curled in his gut.

* * *

 

If he was still alive, Tadashi would have aged about ten years watching his brother charge headfirst into danger like this. He wasn't even wearing any protective gear! He may have duked Baymax up, but Hiro himself was still in his normal clothes. Seriously, the kid could have at least put on some kneepads or something.

He watched in frustration as Hiro and Baymax crept around the docks. He wasn't even sure how Hiro was able to keep running around after everything he'd done today. It must be an adrenaline rush.

Logically speaking, Tadashi knew he could have been banging pots and pans together and screaming at the top of his lungs and no one would be the wiser, but as soon as the masked man appeared he made sure to keep quiet. There was no logical reason for him to do so, but he felt as though he would somehow draw attention to them if he didn't. Old habits die hard.

He watched rapt with attention as the masked man emerged from the fog, bringing scraps of wreckage with him. What in the world was this guy up to? Also, who was he in the first place? Tadashi had a strong idea of who it might be, but it didn't add up in his head. What reason would he have to do this?

Bright light encased the silent trio just as Hiro was about to send Baymax to confront the masked man. _What is it now?_

"Hiro?" Ah. Well, that explained that. Bless his friends for their kind hearts. Maybe they could knock some sense into his brother.

Hiro tried to convince them to leave, but unfortunately for him, they were not buying it. It certainly didn't help his case when Baymax explained why he had contacted them. It was kind of cute how he asked them to share their feelings.

"Ooh! I'll go," Fred said, sauntering forward with his usual casualness as if chasing a teenager down to the docks at night wasn't strange at all. "My name is Fred, and it's been thirty days since my last- HOLY MOTHER OF MEGAZOD!" The laidback posture disappeared as he flinched back from the image above them.

"Am I the only one seeing this?" he asked, staring wide eyed at the sight of the microbots lifting a cargo crate into the air. Tadashi wasn't sure if he was being serious or not. It was clear though that it was not a hallucination when Honey pulled out her phone to snap a picture.

Quite unfortunately, this seemed to anger the masked man. His figure swelled with rage, and he did not hesitate to throw the crate at them.

_SHIT!_  There was barely time to blink before the crate reached them, and Tadashi couldn't do _anything_. Lucky for all of them, Baymax had fast reflexes and was strong enough to keep the crate from crushing them. Tadashi tried to be happy they were all okay, but it was hard not to be bitter about his all too apparent uselessness.

On the bright side, the people left around his brother were enough to make up for his slack. He was especially thankful for Gogo's presence, since she grabbed Hiro and shoved him into Wasabi's little car. It was comforting to know that his brother couldn't run away when Gogo was watching over him. She wouldn't take any of his excuses.

"Baymax can handle that guy!" Hiro exclaimed. Moments later he was inevitably proven wrong as Baymax came soaring through the air to crash on top of their car. Good thing his exterior was made out of such light, air-filled material. If his whole body had been made out of carbon fiber like his home-made armor the damage would have been much worse.

Tadashi had just enough time to fling himself into the vehicle before Wasabi hightailed it out of there in reverse. It was deeply disturbing to pass through Honey and Fred's feet, but it was something he would simply have to deal with. It wasn't as if he could have kept up with the group on foot.

Still, he did his best to avoid contact with anyone's bodies. There were moments when this became unavoidable, like when the car spun around after Baymax and the microbots clashed. Yeah, getting tossed around and passing through your friends' bodies was lots of fun.

"A mask...black suit...we're under attack from a super villain people!" Fred exclaimed. "I mean, how cool is that? I mean, it's scary, obviously, but how cool!" Leave it to Fred to look at the glass half full. He would have laughed, but he was nearly catapulted into the windshield when Wasabi braked at the stop light.

"Why are we stopped?!" Gogo asked.

"The light's red!" Wasabi said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"THERE ARE NO RED LIGHTS IN A CAR CHASE!" she yelled.

As soon as the light turned green they went tearing down the streets again, the masked man not far behind.

"Why is he trying to kill us?" Wasabi asked before leaning out of the window to repeat the question to their attacker. Tadashi was seriously concerned for his friend's health.

"It's classic villain- we've seen too much," Fred supplied.

"Let's not jump to conclusions. We don't _know_ he's trying to kill us," Honey said nervously.

"CAR" Fred shouted as said object came hurtling towards them.

"HE'S TRYING TO KILL US," Honey screamed. So much for the optimistic look on things. He couldn't blame them though. His stomach threatened to crawl out of his throat when he saw it coming, and there was an audible sigh of relief when the car missed them by a hairsbreadth.

"Did you just put your blinker on?" Gogo asked the driver in disbelief.

"You have to indicate your turn. It's the law!" Wasabi replied, leaning over to get in Gogo's face.

"That's it." She plucked her gum out and stuck it to the dashboard- how had she not swallowed that by accident after all this- and shoved Wasabi back so she could drive. Tadashi may or may not have been more terrified of Gogo's driving than having cars chucked at them.

He had to hand it to her though. She did know how to lead a car chase. She was not afraid of driving on sidewalks or barreling through the streets at top speed. She was really in her element. There wasn't even an ounce of fear in her eyes when the masked man turned up around the corner.

Oh no, she was not afraid. There was a glint in her eyes that told Tadashi she was about to do something either incredible or horrifying. Possibly both.

And he was right because she _launched_ them over the microbots and onto a nearby overpass. If he wasn't already dead he had no doubt he would have died from heart failure right then and there. And if that didn't do it, watching Hiro almost face plant out of the moving car would have. Thank goodness Baymax was there.

He had to admit, if he ignored the fact that his friends were in serious danger, the whole thing was kind of exciting. It was every bit as exhilarating as it was terrifying. Adrenaline sure was a funny thing. There was something about hurtling down the streets of San Fransokyo with the colorful lights of the city racing past in a blur, and the feel of the wind rushing around him, cold but inviting.

Even as his heart stuttered in his chest while the microbots closed in on them, he felt something light up inside him. He almost felt more alive than when he'd actually been alive. Which was frankly depressing, but he didn't dwell on it.

And when they burst through the swarm and raced off the end of the road, he almost caught himself smiling. It was the strangest thing. He'd never felt quite like this before.

* * *

 

Tadashi trudged alongside his friends as Fred led them to his home. All of them- save for Baymax- were soaked to the bone. Yes, that included Tadashi too. The upsides to being a ghost were apparently very few. In fact, the only one he could think of at the moment was that he couldn't die again. Or could he? That would totally suck if he could. He really wished he was alive.

Well, at least he could watch his friends with undisguised glee as Fred finally turned to his front steps. There were a few seconds where they just stared in confusion before Hiro asked what Fred was doing.

Fred stared back in confusion before it hit him  that none of them had seen his house before.

"Ohhh, welcome to mi casa!" he said, spreading his arms out in welcome. "That's French for front door." _Oh, Fred_.

"It's really...not" Honey put in timidly. He bet she was screaming internally right now.

"Listen, nitwit, a lunatic in a mask just tried to kill us. I'm not in the mood for any-" Gogo began.

"Welcome home, master Frederick," Heathcliff cut in as he opened the door. The look of puzzlement (and a little hurt) on his ex-boyfriend's face was wiped off and replaced by one of sheer joy. Heathcliff was practically a father to Fred, so he was probably stoked to finally introduce him to his friends.

 He remembered how excited Fred was when he introduced Tadashi to him. There was lots of happy yelling and hugs on Fred's side and lots of desserts on Heathcliff's. Fred was a little tamer this time around. Perhaps it was because they were all so waterlogged. (Or perhaps it was because Gogo's reaction still stung.) Regardless, Fred continued onward to his room his usual laidback self. Hopefully he wasn't too bothered about it, and wasn't just hiding his feelings. He'd try and watch for any signs that indicated Fred wasn't okay. After all, what were ex-boyfriends for? Scratch that- it made him sound like a stalker. He brushed the thought away as the group continued through the house.  

Boy, if he thought it was great watching them all see Fred's house for the first time, watching them see his room for the first time was phenomenal. Fred's room was a special experience. It was surprising and not surprising at the same time in the sense that it was so outlandish, yet so very Fred. After all, if you knew him, you kind of learned to expect the unexpected. For example, most people wouldn't have hoards of superhero memorabilia lying around like it was an exhibit or a painting of a muscular version of themselves on a winged tiger, but for Fred it wasn't that shocking. On a side note, Tadashi figured it was probably his favorite painting ever because seriously, it was so great.

Hiro, little stinker that he was, ignored the awesomeness that was Fred's room and began drawing instead. What kind of fourteen year old ignored a painting like that?! Crazy ones, that's who.

He wondered if genius affected common sense. He assumed it did because as the night progressed all of his friends agreed to his little brother’s crazy scheme. Don’t get him wrong, he was flattered by their desire to get justice for his death, but this was crazy. The craziest thing was that it was actually Hiro’s idea to turn them all into superheroes and not Fred’s. Go figure.

Of course, they suspected the wrong person. Not that he could blame them. Even if he could communicate with them, he wasn’t sure he wanted to tell them the truth. It would break their hearts, much as it did his.

If he was being honest with himself he also wanted to know why he had to die. He had so many questions but no one to answer them. It was possible he’d never learn why his life had turned out this way. He could only hope that things would turn out for the best in the end.

It probably wouldn’t because his new life was devoid of all luck. The whole night seemed to be one bad decision after another. And yes, that included his own decisions. He may not have been able to do much in the afterlife, but maybe if he tried harder he could convince his friends that what they were doing was a bad idea. Maybe he could try throwing things around like the poltergeist or something. He didn’t know if he could do that. He’d never actually tried before.

Wow. Maybe some of his brain cells didn’t make it to the afterlife with him. Guess it wasn’t just his friends who lacked common sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this like 3 days ago. Oops. Aaaaaah but guuuys, I have so many plans for this! The problem is that I don't totally know what I'm doing. But that's normal for me, so at least I have practice. Also, there was a lot of movie dialogue in this chapter, and I'm not entirely pleased by it. Oh well. But anyway, I'm super excited and I love you all- you're all luminous wonderful beings of light- have a great day!


	6. The Guardian of Who Knows What

The second time he was whisked away to the North Pole, he was less surprised. They had left him alone for a few days before returning, but he knew they'd show up eventually. After all, they had unfinished business. This time they at least had the courtesy not to throw him in a sack.

"Now Tadashi, we have some very important news to tell you," Tooth began, fluttering about him.

"YOU ARE GUARDIAN!" Santa boomed, fists planted against his hips and chest thrust out in pride.

"...Guardian? Um, no offense, but what is that?" he asked, rubbing the back of his neck and peering up from under the bill of his hat. Honestly, these guys said the strangest things.

"What North means," the Easter Bunny kicked in, "is that you're a guardian of childhood. We all are. Even Mr. Icicle over there."

"That's right! And Jack, don't even think about starting anything," Tooth said, looking pointedly at the other.

"I can't start anything if he already has," the white haired guardian grumbled. Judging by his slouching posture and feet scuffling, he would refrain from fighting with the rabbit for the moment.

Tadashi stared open mouthed. A guardian of children? He still didn't understand what that meant. What was he supposed to do; scare away bullies or something?

"So...am I supposed to be doing something then?" he asked. He swore to whatever god or otherworldly entity that existed that if they told him he was supposed to do guardian business, he would go out of his freaking mind.

There was a rather pregnant pause as the rest of the guardians looked to each other for guidance. Eventually Tooth stepped forward and said, "Well, we're not really sure about that. I mean, generally speaking it's your duty to protect the children, but specifically we're not sure how. There's so little we know about you- like what your abilities are and how they work. We don't know what you're the guardian of." She hesitated before resting a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"I thought you just said I was a guardian of childhood," he said confused. He fought the urge to brush her hand away in frustration. He knew she was trying to be reassuring, but to him it felt patronizing.

"Well yes, you are, but each guardian has a specific niche. For example, I'm the guardian of memories. I collect children's teeth, where happy memories are stored, and use them to remind them of joyful moments when they're feeling down," Tooth explained. She had a look of earnest about her, practically begging for him to understand.

"Oh. So, what's everyone else's?" And were they all going to sound as weird as hers? Why in the world would happy memories be stored in _teeth_ of all things?

"Mine is wonder!" Santa butted in, elbowing the Sandman out of his way as he stepped closer. "It is the greatest joy for me to see the look of wonder in a child's eyes as they open up their Christmas presents," he made a wide gesture at the workshop. It wasn't hard to see why he created such fantastic things to impress them.

"I'm the guardian of fun," Jack said casually, as if the whole conversation disinterested him. If Tadashi had to bet money on it, he'd say Jack was pretending not to care. There was something in his laidback demeanor that seemed too staged to be real.

"In my opinion, you're more like the guardian of misbehaving," Bunny interjected. He got a cold gust of wind and frosted eyebrows in response.

"Boys, _please_ ," Tooth said with all the patience of someone who's had to put up with behavior like this for far too long.

"Sorry, Tooth," the pair spoke in unison, though still glaring at each other all the while.

"Anyways, Bunny here is the guardian of hope, and Sandy, as you could probably guess, is the guardian of dreams," Tooth finished, looking expectantly at him.

"And you're saying that I'm supposed to have something like that? How am I supposed to know what it is?" he asked incredulously. This was an awful lot of responsibility to thrust on someone. He was only 20 for goodness’ sake.

"That is something you must discover yourself," Santa told him, gripping him by the shoulders and staring intently into his eyes. There was nothing quite like having a hulking man grab you like he was about to shake you like a rag doll if you didn't listen. He was hoping the older man wouldn't do that, but he wouldn't put it past him.

"Trust me, it's not always easy. Mine was a real doozy to figure out. Of course, in retrospect it was kind of obvious. Yours probably will be too," Jack supplied helpfully.

This was a lot to process. Tadashi was struggling to come to terms with his new predicament. Not only was he dead, he was fated to be some sort of protector? Watching over Hiro when he’d been alive was one thing, but all the kids everywhere? How was that even possible? And all this talk about powers? Were they talking about the combusting thing? Starting fires didn’t really seem like something that would keep kids safe. In fact it seemed like it would do the exact opposite. He was living proof of that. Well, perhaps non-living proof.

“Okay… No offense, but are you sure? I mean, I’m not anything special. I’m just a regular guy. All this fairytale guardian stuff isn’t really my forte,” he said uncertainly. He was definitely more of a scientific, non-magic-believer, but he supposed he couldn’t deny its existence now. It would have been impossible to after all that happened since his untimely demise.

“We are 100% certain you are a guardian. The man in the moon told us so,” Tooth replied. She looked earnestly at him, trying to express her conviction on the matter. Even her wings had ceased their non-stop fluttering- as if they too were caught by the seriousness of the subject.

“The man in the moon? Oh God, please tell me he isn’t made of cheese,” Tadashi sighed, scrubbing a hand across his face. He was too old for this.

Santa’s boisterous laughter rang through the workshop.

“No, no. Manny is not made of _cheese_. He is made of- well, not cheese, that is for sure.” The large man smiled warmly at him, easing some of the tension inside him that had been growing steadily since he arrived.

“Alright, well physical properties aside, who is this guy? Is he like your watchman or something? How does he know I’m supposed to be a guardian or whatever?”

“He knows because he chose you.”

“Well why would he do something like that?” He tried not to let too much of his frustration show, but he was sure some of it must have seeped through.

“Perhaps saying that Manny chose you isn’t the right choice of words,” Tooth spoke.

“In reality, you would still be a guardian regardless of what he says. We chose the title for ourselves, but what makes a guardian isn’t something to be determined by someone else. It’s an integral part of who we are. We are guardians in name because of what we do in action. Manny must have seen something in you that makes him think you’re suitable for the role.”

Tadashi stood there in silence, trying to wrap his head around everything. It all felt so surreal. Maybe if he pinched himself hard enough he would wake up.

“Are you alright, kid? You look like your brain is going to overheat and smoke is about to pour out of your ears,” Bunny said cautiously. Given their last meeting he couldn’t really blame the guy.

“We know this is a lot to take in. If you want, there’s a special place we could show you while you think it over. It’s a great place if you want somewhere quiet or need some space. I’d be happy to show you,” Tooth rested a soothing hand on his shoulder.

“I- yeah, that sounds nice,” he replied timidly. Space and quiet sounded like an awful good idea.

“Is it still here, North?” Tooth asked the older man.

Was she saying peace and quiet was going to be found in this place? Tadashi looked around in disbelief. Santa’s workshop was a never ending bustle of yetis tinkering and building toys while bells jingled along to the elves running around unsupervised.

“It is still outside, yes,” Santa nodded.

“This way, Tadashi.” Tooth guided him gently beyond the activity in the workshop and into the chilly air outside.

Tadashi, being a resident of San Fransokyo- whose temperature usually didn’t drop below 40 degrees even in winter- was not overly thrilled about the prospect of freezing out there. He considered telling the woman that he’d changed his mind, but she steered him with such heartfelt determination he decided to keep his mouth shut.

Fortunately for him, they didn’t have to go far before they reached their destination.

He had expected a small cabin perhaps, or an alcove that would shield them from the snow. Instead there was a single object that stood out against the stark white landscape.

In front of him stood a mirror. He thought it was a mirror at least. It was oval in shape and was held up by a stand that seemed to be carved out of the same material as the surface. Unlike regular mirrors, however, this one was not made of glass. It was carved out of lapis lazuli instead, inky blue spattered with bright flecks of color. He couldn’t see himself reflected in it, nor could he see any of his surroundings. If anything, it absorbed the light around it instead of reflecting it. That was rather un-mirror-like.

It was undoubtedly beautiful, but Tadashi wasn’t sure why they were looking at it. He thought they were supposed to be going to a different place. Did the others just enjoy sitting there and staring at the mirror or something? He supposed it was pretty enough to look at for a while…

“This is the midnight mirror, Tadashi. It’s a portal to another space. Through it you can travel to another plane and take some time to think.

“The mirror will create a place that will help you gather your thoughts. Time shouldn’t be an issue while you’re in there. It passes differently there. You could spend days in there at a time, while back here only a few hours might pass.” _WHAT?_

He stared open mouthed between her and the mirror. He must have looked ridiculous, but he couldn’t help it. To say this was an amazing discovery was an understatement. A portal to another world that existed outside the normal boundaries of time… it sounded strikingly similar to Narnia, but something told him he shouldn’t be asking if Aslan was ready and waiting for him through the portal.

“And it’s perfectly safe?” was what he managed to say.

“Yes, all you have to do is walk through it. You’ll be able to feel it when you pass into the next realm, but it shouldn’t hurt a bit.”

“How did you find this? Has it just been sitting here all this time?” He wandered closer, gazing at the object with fascination.

“No, the mirror moves locations at random. Manny stumbled upon it by accident one day many years ago. We’ve done our best to keep tabs on it, but there’s no telling where a mirror might show up next.”

 _Amazing._ To think something like this had been around for years and hardly anyone knew about it…

“Wait, _a_ mirror? Does that mean there’s more than one?” There were more portals to this other realm? Or did they lead to different places? Were they just duplicates of this one?

“So far we know of four mirrors. There is a ruby mirror, a diamond mirror, and an obsidian mirror. Each mirror opens to a different place,” she said, practically reading his mind.

He gawked at her, wide eyed in astonishment. The possibilities this new information opened were endless. The scientist in him was squealing and jumping up and down in glee.

She smiled ruefully at him.

“I’m sorry, I brought you hear to help clear your thoughts, but it seems all I’ve done is overload you with new ones. Here, you should go through,” she gestured to the dark surface.

“I can explain more about the mirrors another time,” she said reassuringly after seeing the look on his face.

He tore his eyes away from her and took a hesitant step forward. Just the thought of what he was about to do took the air right out of his lungs. As a kid he’d dreamed about traveling to different worlds- who didn’t? But to actually be able to do so in real life… it was a dream come true.

Tentatively he reached out a hand to touch the mirror.

It passed through the surface with only the slightest of resistance. He wasn’t quite sure how to describe it. It felt… like sticking his hand in warm water. Different for sure, but not unpleasant. He took a deep breath and stepped through the mirror.

* * *

 

“Do you think he’ll be alright? Boy seems a bit overwhelmed about the whole thing.”

“He only died a few months ago, Bunny. Based off what you guys have told me and what I’ve seen, he sounds like a one of those ‘fairytales aren’t real’ kind of people. It must have been a big change for him. Kid probably just needs a breather.” Jack twirled his staff in the air a couple times as he meandered around the yetis. He still enjoyed how they curled around their handiwork and gave him suspicious looks whenever he got too close.

“Jack also faced guardianship with great difficulty,” North added. He leaned closer to inspect one of the yeti’s work before offhandedly telling them to make them green. The resulting sound of exasperation was music to Jack’s ears.

“Yeah, well Frostbite here isn’t about to burst into a ball of fire. That’s something I can’t guarantee about our new friend.” The four guardians in the workshop stopped to think about it. None of them could deny that what he said was true. Jack thought back to their first meeting.

One second they’d all been introducing themselves pleasantly, and the next the newcomer was curled up on the floor covered in flames. That had been a real shock for everyone.

Jack had leapt back in surprise at the sight. Tooth was sent into a fluttering, shrieking mess, trying to figure out what was wrong. Sandy was an onslaught of flashing symbols and waving arms while North and Bunny had simply stared in astonishment.

Beneath the flames, Jack had seen Tadashi’s form trembling, and heard the painful, gasping breaths. He’d watched hands tangle themselves into hair and claw at his face. It was horrifying to watch. It was like he was watching the kid die right in front of him.

Eventually he’d snapped out of his daze and sent a blast of cool air at him. In his haste he _may_ have accidentally sent some chunks of ice as well, but they all melted before they reached the kid. In any case, it seemed to help.

Soon enough the fire had been extinguished, leaving only a shattered boy and the scorched floor beneath him. And a newfound sense of caution in a certain winter guardian. Fire wasn’t really his thing.

“He is tiny bit lost, that’s all,” North reasoned, “You agree, yes?” He looked expectantly at Jack, who simply shrugged in return.

Internally he reckoned that North was right and that Tadashi just needed some time to figure things out, but if not… it didn’t bear well to think too much on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so mad at myself. My long term drawing project is due in 3 days. Guess who's done basically none of it. THIS GIRL. I'm screwed. As per usual. On the bright side, the procrastination makes me more productive in other areas- like righting this fic, so here ya go!


	7. We Really Need to Get Our Crap Together

Stars. That was the first thing he noticed when he stepped through the mirror. All around him was a never ending expanse of the night sky. Or what he assumed it would look like without the bright man-made lights of San Fransokyo overpowering it. There were millions of stars everywhere he looked and clouds that went on as far as the eye could see.

There was no moon to be found, which fascinated Tadashi- after all; he'd never been somewhere the moon did not exist. He didn't mind though; the sheer multitude of the stars provided enough light for him to see comfortably. Their gentle rays reflected softly off the clouds at his feet.

The clouds felt...spongy. They were fairly solid, but each step he took he could feel their surface give way a bit beneath his feet. The experience was a little disorienting since it defied all that he knew about the natural world. On Earth clouds were made mostly of water, and if he were to try and step on one there he'd simply pass right through it. But here in this other dimension they must have been made of something else. He couldn't see his feet because the clouds extended partway up his calves, as if they had a top layer that was made of water. His feet didn't feel cold though, and when he bent down to touch it he couldn't feel anything. As if there was nothing there at all.

Tadashi could have spent hours examining his surroundings, but he did realize that he had come here for another reason. Tooth had wanted to give him space to think over his new life.

 He could honestly say he'd never expected to have another life after dying. He'd never been very religious, too caught up in the factual evidence the physical world provided him. His new predicament kind of took all that factual evidence and threw it in the trash like a 75 year old textbook that had no more use.

"What am I going to do?" he sighed to himself. There was so much he didn't understand.

He was a guardian? And he was supposed to have some special ability to help kids? It was the craziest thing he'd ever heard of. Yes, even crazier than Fred's dream of being able to transform into a fire breathing lizard.

How could he protect anyone when he hadn't even been smart enough to protect himself? Plus there was the whole being unable to be touched, seen, or heard by living people. With the exception of Sandy, all the other guardians had something physical that helped kids believe in them. Santa had his presents, Bunny had his eggs, Tooth had teeth and quarters, and Jack had his frost. What did Tadashi have? A bunch of ash and the ruined remains of a building to be used as a cautionary tale. What were his powers useful for? Scaring children into using their heads instead of their hearts before literally running into situations that could kill them? Yeah, that's real inspiring.

He wasn't even officially a guardian yet, and he was already the most useless one of all. He couldn't do anything besides have flaming panic attacks and melt the occasional chain. Was he going to become the guardian of panic attacks or something? That didn't sound like it would help kids. It's not like he knew how to stop them from happening or anything. That would have been useful.

"Okay, Tadashi, just breathe. Everything is fine. You'll figure this out. There's nothing to freak out about," he tried to convince himself. He was failing miserably, but hey, at least he was trying. Hard work would get him somewhere eventually. It always did.

It was this one thought that finally managed to ground him from the madness his life had become. Tadashi wasn't a genius like his brother, but that never stopped him before. He got through life by working hard for what he wanted, and he had succeeded. Of course, what he wanted now was to not be dead, but that wasn't really an option- no matter how much work he put into it. So...

He had to think of something else to work towards.

Some would consider that giving up, but Tadashi saw things differently.

When you give up on something, you still want it to happen, but you just don't think you can do it. You give up when you don't think you can put in the effort it takes to get it done.

What he was doing now was like...when you have to make something for an open ended assignment. Sometimes you spend hours working on one idea before you realize there's another option. And when you choose the other one it's not like you're giving up- you just found something better.

What was his something better going to be though?

It was pretty obvious what his new acquaintances thought he was supposed to be doing. Was that really what he wanted though? He was all for helping others out, make no mistake, but the problem was that he had no idea how to help them.

If Fred were in this situation he'd consider it to be destiny calling him to a life of heroism. When Tadashi thought about all the movies he'd seen all he remembered was how fire wielding people tended to be villains instead. Awkward. Thinking in Fred's point of view wasn't likely to help him.

Still, there had to be some reason he had gained these powers...and he resolutely refused to believe it was because he was destined for villainy.

Maybe that should be his first goal- figuring out how to control the fire. It stood to reason that it would be important no matter what path he took. After all, he couldn't spend the rest of his life- afterlife- falling into smoldering mental episodes.

And once he reined those in, maybe he could figure out how to be a guardian or whatever. He didn't exactly have a lot of options, but this definitely seemed like the noblest one. He wasn't selfish enough to go through ages stuck in the afterlife without helping out where he could. And if Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny were telling him he was meant to be protecting kids, then hey, who was he to argue. They probably knew better than him.

That settled it. He had found his something better. He was going to gain control of his new life and become a guardian. If that meant helping kids around the world no matter what it took, then so be it. Even if it meant letting Hiro go... It was time to broaden his range of protection. It couldn't just be Hiro he was protecting now. He was part of a bigger picture, whether he liked it or not.

As much as it pained him to admit, Hiro and the others were going to have to take a back burner to his new guardian duties. 

 

* * *

 

"I really don't think we have anything to worry about. You boys are just being silly."

"There is literally a patch of burnt floor beneath you to argue against your point."

"Oh hush, Jack. Tadashi is a nice boy. I'm sure he wouldn't do anything to hurt us on purpose," Tooth replied, brushing out her luminescent feathers.

"'On purpose' being the key words there. I doubt he lit himself up like that because he figured it would be a good idea," Bunny said. For once, Jack actually agreed with him.

"Bunny makes good point. The boy, while nice enough, poses as a bit of threat," North said, trying to reason with the woman flitting anxiously around them.

Sandy began letting out golden images that Jack assumed were in defense of Tadashi. It was hard to tell when he changed them so fast. Clearly he felt strongly on the matter.

"See? Sandy agrees with me! I know the state he's in seems kind of dangerous, but Tadashi is meant to be a guardian! Manny believes it, and so do I.

"Listen, I did a little bit of research on the boy after the last time we met up," Oh boy, last time. Yeah, that hadn't gone any better than today.

"And he's proven that he's guardian material. Did you know that he's been running around looking after his little brother since he was 10? So he has loads of experience, for one.

"And the reason he-" she took a deep breath, and stilled her incessant fluttering for a moment before continuing, "-the reason he died, was because he ran into a burning building to rescue his professor." She tried to keep an even expression on her face, but he could see the tears shining in her eyes.

That shut them all up for a few moments.

Running into a burning building huh? And to rescue a professor? That did seem pretty guardian worthy. It also explained the weird fiery panic attacks. Jack made a mental note to never mention anything similar to fire or professors around Tadashi from then on.

"Well, he may be worthy, but I still don't see why we need another guardian in the first place. We just got one a few years ago. Plus, before Jack, we hadn't gotten a new guardian in centuries. Why are we taking some green kid in when everything seems okay?" Bunny broke the silence.

"Just because we don't have an immediate need for another guardian, doesn't mean getting a new one is unnecessary. Should we really complain about having more help?" Tooth asked.

"Getting a new guardian should be something to celebrate, not condemn. Besides, I have a feeling in my gut. We will need a new guardian soon," North said somberly. Jack didn't say anything, but he felt the same. There was something stirring in the shadows, waiting to extinguish all the light again.

Pitch had lost power, but Jack had no doubt he'd be back eventually. Darkness and fear always had a way of cropping back up, no matter what hit them.

"Isn't there some way we could get rid of Pitch for good? And before you ask because you have no faith in me- no, I'm not talking about killing him. I mean, isn't there some way we could...I dunno... turn him good? Or at least. not so evil?" he asked. He'd actually been thinking about this for some time.

"Oh, Jack. I wish it were possible to turn him back into the man he was. He used to be so good..." Tooth replied wearily. Her shoulders slumped, and she looked uncharacteristically defeated. That definitely had not been what he'd been expecting.

"What do you mean 'the man he was'? Are you telling me Pitch was actually a good guy once upon a time?" he asked in disbelief. There was no way that Pitch Black, the Nightmare King, was ever a good man.

"Ah, that's right. You don't know his story!" North exclaimed. Both Sandy and Bunny looked distinctly uncomfortable about the subject.

"Well, feel free to spill anytime, I'd love to hear it," Jack said, leaning against his staff. He imagined he'd need the support to keep from collapsing in shock.

Tooth sighed heavily, "It's not an easy story to tell. But you deserve to know. In fact, we should have told you a long time ago. I suppose now will have to do.

"It started many years before you were born. Before any humans were born really. Long before any of us were even guardians. Kozmotis Pitchiner was a great hero all across the stars. He was a protector of the people, and he was selflessly devoted to the job. So selfless in fact, that he left his wife and daughter to stand guard against the greatest evil there is: Fearlings. The nightmares we fought with you, Jack- they're nothing compared to fearlings. Nightmares are a force to be reckoned with, but they need a leader. They need someone to follow. When they turned on Pitch that was an anomaly, but you must have noticed that we haven't seen them since. It's because they need someone to lead them, otherwise they lose their purpose.

"Fearlings have no such weakness. They see all your fears and use them against you in ways the nightmares couldn't even dream of. You see, they're not mindless workers- they are sentient creatures who are cunning and ruthless.

"They looked into Pitch's heart and saw his fears, and they found a way to corrupt him.

"I told you he left his family- he really did love them. It was this love that the fearling used against him. After years of waiting patiently, they finally concocted a plan. They whispered things through their prison, filled him with doubt about the safety of those he loved.

"Until one day, they convinced him that his daughter was locked in there with them. He threw the door open in horror, hoping to rescue her, but what he found was only the fearlings. They rushed him all at once and possessed him, twisting all that he was into something that fit their desire.

From then on, there was no Kozmotis Pitchiner. There was only Pitch Black," she finished solemnly.

He stood there in absolute shock. To think that Pitch had been- that was crazy! And somehow, after all their talks about the Nightmare King, this story had never once come up. Go figure. He supposed he couldn't really blame them. It was a rather disturbing tale. To think, one of the greatest heroes could have become one of the worst villains... it made one wonder about what could happen to the rest of them. But one thing didn't quite make sense.

"How did you all learn about this? Did you all have a heart to heart with Pitch after he got possessed, or what?"

He didn't think it was possible, but somehow the rest of the guardians became even more disheartened.

"Someone close to him told Manny- someone who witnessed much of what happened. Manny in turn, told us. I think however, that is a story for another time. We have neglected our duties long enough. It's time to get back to work," North said. He clapped Jack roughly on the shoulder before turning back to business mode and yelling instructions at the yetis. The rest of the guardians dispersed in his wake, Jack included.

He flew through the sky, and tried not to think about all the things he didn't know about. Frankly, after today's conversation, it sounded like there was an awful lot of information he was missing. He just hoped they'd explain it all to him sooner than later.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol I just read the notes for the last chapter I wrote and I said "righting" instead of writing wtf brain I'm not even sure that's a word. 
> 
> But story wise yaaaaay I finally got off my ass and finished another chapter! 
> 
> Also, the story for Pitch is more or less what canonically happened to him in the books, minus the other person I added in learning about how it all went down. Though he is actually in the books, so feel free to make your guesses, cuz I'd love to hear your suspicions.
> 
> And I went back and edited a slight blurb in chapter 3 that's not super important, but I decided to change it to make it closer to canon. 
> 
> Also, this last part has nothing to do with the story, but for my final project last semester I made this wicked painting inspired by these books, so maybe I  
> I'll post a pic, cuz it's beautiful


	8. Nothing Goes the Way I Want It To, But That's Normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol this chapter's so short, but I felt bad for not updating

 Tadashi's back itched. Actually, everything was starting to itch, but the main source of discomfort was his back. Was it possible to get a rash as a ghost? Did he wonder through a ghost patch of poison ivy, or was there a swarm of ghost mosquitoes following him around without his knowledge? Who knew? Not him, that's for sure.

He tried to reach between his shoulder blades to scratch at the worst part, but sadly he just wasn't flexible enough for it to be effective. At the rate things were going, he was never going to find peace in the afterlife. There was always going to be something annoying him. He kind of thought things would be easier after he died. Instead here was a list of things that happened: heart wrenching panic attacks, kidnapping by yetis, meeting childhood myths, watching every one he ever cared about throw themselves in harm's way, and _melting metal with his bare hands_. Okay, that last one was actually pretty cool, but the circumstances it evolved from were not.

Too bad there wasn't a self help book for learning how to cope with being dead. Maybe he should write one.

 "Okay, Honey, I think we finally got this one right. The touch screen is working perfectly and should be able to let you know when it's running low on materials. And- as requested- it matches your armor. Let's see you try it out," Hiro said, bouncing a little in front of the tall girl.

She slipped the strap on over her head, punched in a few elements on the screen, and poised her arm in the air to lob it at Heathcliff. Her look of fierce determination quickly gave way to a cautious one, and she ended up tossing it gently at his feet instead.

Tadashi shook his head, a smile curling his lips up imperceptibly. He hoped she would always stay this sweet.

It was fun watching Hiro and the others train, even if he didn't approve of what they were doing. It was endlessly fascinating to him. With Hiro's help they all got to use their own skills and inventions in a new light.

Gogo was faster than ever, and looked more free than he'd seen her before. This was saying something, since she always seemed to be moving at breakneck speeds, no matter if her goal was racing or fetching a jug of milk.

Wasabi was somehow turned into a dangerous warrior with deadly blades attached to his forearms. If anyone was to wield something so dangerous, it would be best for him to do it. The boy didn't have a violent bone in his body.

Honey finally had her handbag of chemical reactions waiting to happen- she'd had like 3 prototypes. It was a complex process, getting all the materials she would need and then setting up the bag to transform them into something she could use with ease.

Hiro, after many intensive hours trying to create something more suitable to his needs, had succeeded in making Baymax another suit of armor. He still had a ways to go though, if the constant muttering as he circled the robot was anything to go by.

And then there was Fred. His was truly a dream come true. His brother had constructed a super suit for him that would actually let him breathe fire. In a manner of speaking that is. It was really the suit that breathed fire.

How ironic that he and his ex-boyfriend would both have new abilities involving fire.

His heart gave a painful tug at his ribcage. He wondered if there would ever be a time when calling Fred his ex wouldn't hurt anymore.

He decided to focus on something else. The weather, for example. Yeah, the weather was really nice. All sunshine with not a cloud in sight. Good stuff.

What else was good....?

Pizza...which he didn't really eat anymore because he didn't eat anything anymore... his moped...that he couldn't ride anymore...Game of Thrones? No, no...that wasn't something he could ever really call "good"....shit.

Oh. There was one good thing going for him. He had finally started getting some results from his own training. It took a lot of concentration, but now he was able to get things to smolder or light on fire when he wanted to. That sounded kind of pathetic and more than a little weird, but hey, progress was progress. His newest challenge was trying to put the fires out. He had enlisted the winter guardian's help until he could do it himself.

Which was another thing. He hadn't expected it, but he and Jack were quickly becoming friends. The other boy was kind of irritating, but in a good way. He sort of reminded him of Hiro. They both made hassles for him, but it didn't really bother him. It was... nice to have a friend again.

If Jack was around, he could be sure he'd never be bored. He was the guardian of fun after all.

Speaking of Jack, he was supposed to meet up with him soon. More training and all that jazz. Or maybe just hanging out. Sometimes the winter spirit insisted that Tadashi took a break and let loose.

He gave one last look of pride at his friends before taking one of the snow globes North had given him and tossing it into the open air.

* * *

 

"Well, that was a little better. It sort of got smaller for a second there. I think."

"I think it was just the wind," Tadashi sighed. He was getting nowhere with this putting out fires business.

"Aww, come on," Jack patted his back," You'll get there, Sparky. You just gotta keep practicing. Or you know, you could just let me keep doing it. It's really not that bad." The white haired boy leapt into the crook of his staff, hunching over Tadashi.

"Thanks," he said dryly. It was nice of Jack to offer, but he really had to learn this stuff. It wasn't like Jack could be expected to be there every time he had a panic attack. Control was something he needed to learn- for everyone's sake.

"Want to keep going?" asked Jack, head tilting to the side. He looked like the world's biggest snow owl, and Tadashi had to force himself not to laugh at the image.

"No, I think I'll call it quits for today. Thanks though."

"Alright, if you're sure. Want me to give you a lift back?"

"Yeah, no. I think I've had enough of those for a life time," Tadashi chuckled. Being at the mercy of the winds was terrifying. Logically he knew that Jack wouldn't let anything happen to him on purpose, but it was still a very unsettling experience. He preferred walking.

Fortunately for him, the spot they'd chosen to train him wasn't too far from home. It was at yet another abandoned warehouse, and was free of mask wearing psychopaths. It would only take about forty five minutes to walk home.

"Suit yourself, slow poke. See you around," Jack grinned as he sprung into the air and was instantly whisked away in a gust of wind.

Tadashi shook his head in mock exasperation. Jack sure was a wild one.

He turned around and walked out of the warehouse. He couldn't wait to go get some rest. Honing his abilities was hard work, even if it didn't give him many results. He guessed he was used to it though. To be honest, robotics wasn't that different in that aspect.

Of course it would be in that state of weariness that the ground would literally drop out from under his feet. The sun disappeared far above him until there was nothing but darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's so short lol, and it's really just like a filler chapter. But hey! Somethings gonna happen next chapter! It's actually happening a lot sooner than I thought it would. Go figure.


	9. Don't Trust Men from Shadows

Tadashi gasped as the ground disappeared beneath him. He flung his hands out to grasp at something- anything- but there was nothing.

He watched as the ground closed above him shutting out the last rays of light, felt the air whip past as he plummeted. He would have screamed if his throat hadn't seemed to have sealed itself shut. 

The ground was cold and hard when he finally landed, knocking all the remaining air out of his lungs.

 He would have been perfectly fine with lying there for a good hour or so to recuperate, but fate had other plans.

It was so dark that he could barely see the outline of his hand when he held it in front of him. And it was uncomfortably cold. He may have been a long ways away from daylight, but it was still the beginning of fall! Shouldn't it have been a little warmer down there? Actually no, scratch that, it probably wasn't. So there was no reason at all to panic about dropping into this cold dark place. He just had to stay calm.

Now, what would a sensible person do in a cold dark place? They would probably try and find some light. Well, wasn't it lucky that he had the ability to control fire to a small degree?

He took a deep breath and held out his hands. It took a second, but a small flame sparked into life in his cupped hands. It was no bigger than a baseball, but it made him smile nonetheless.

He lifted his head to get a better look at his surroundings and instantly regretted it. The smile fell of his face faster than it had appeared.

He hadn't seen them in the dark, but he was completely surrounded. What they were exactly he couldn't say. They were...flat. Pressed into the walls, they had silver eyes, but their eyes didn't reflect any of the light. Nothing about them did. They looked like...shadows. That's what they were. He would have maybe thought they were paintings, but he saw them creep along the walls, blinking their unnatural eyes, their strange forms shifting like ink in water.

He scrambled to his feet, heart pounding in his chest. He kept the light in one hand, terrified of letting it snuff out.

Someone started clapping behind him.

He spun around, loathe to turn his back on the shadows, but scared that whatever was behind him was even worse.

A man stood there, smirking at him from the entrance of a tunnel he hadn't noticed before. He was tall-maybe even as tall as Wasabi- and wore a long black robe that covered him from his shoulders to the bottom of his feet. His hair was as black as the shadows he sprung from, but his skin was as pale and gray as the river stones he used to collect as a kid. He looked like he was carved from a block of marble, cold and untouchable. He had silver eyes like the shadows on the walls.

"Who are you?" Tadashi asked, trying to keep his voice from wavering.

The man ignored his question, striding forward to inspect him. Tadashi took half a step back before he remembered the shadows behind him. The man's smile grew wider.

"So you're the little stray the guardians took in, hmm? I must say, you're not what I expected," he crooned.

Tadashi felt his face heat up. "And what did you expect?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know. Not you, that's for sure. Someone more...impressive I suppose."

Well, that was just plain rude. Not that he was entirely wrong. Based on the other guardians, Tadashi did feel rather lacking. They were all capable of doing such amazing things. All he could do was make little balls of fire, and that took him weeks to learn.

"Still, the man in the moon must see something in you. Perhaps you have some potential just waiting to be unlocked." Tadashi's jaw almost dropped. Was this strange, creepy man trying to comfort him? In this dark creepy place underground where he'd been trapped?

"What's your name, boy?"

"...Tadashi," he managed to reply. The more time he spent down there, the more he felt like his energy was being slowly drained away.

"Do you know who I am, Tadashi?" the man asked, tilting his head ever so slightly to the side.

Tadashi paused. He remembered Jack telling him about someone once. The Nightmare King, he'd called him. This man certainly fit the bill. It seemed weird to actually address him as such though. Jack had called him by another name....

"Pitch Black. You're Pitch Black," Tadashi said; voice barely a whisper in the oppressing darkness. The light in his palm flickered.

* * *

"Aaaaagh!"

"Master Frederick, are you quite all right?"

"Yes-no-I don't- maybe, I just-!" Fred sputtered, unable to find the right words for what he was feeling. He threw his hands up in frustration.

Heathcliff looked calmly at him.

"Would you like me to get you anything, sir? Perhaps something warm to drink?"

He sighed. Leave it to Heathcliff to try and get him out of his weird mood.

"Yeah, man, that'd be great. Thanks. Doesn't matter what. Just...something." He pulled his beanie off to run his hands through his hair. It was getting a little greasy. Probably time to take another shower. He wasn't even sure when his last one was. It was getting so hard to remember things sometimes. Sure, he'd always been a sort of forgetful person, but that was usually things like homework. It was simple things he was forgetting now. Forgetting to shower. Forgetting to eat. Forgetting to sleep. Forgetting what day it was or how much time had passed. If it wasn't for Heathcliff he'd have withered away to nothing.

Baymax said he was depressed. But that didn't make any sense. Sure, he was sad a lot of the time, but he wasn't _all_ the time. He was happy a lot of the time. He was happy when he was suited up, practicing how to fight the masked man. He was happy when he read comic books. He was happy when he spent time with his friends. He spent so much time being happy he almost felt guilty about it. So he couldn't be depressed.

He was just a little more forgetful now, that was all.

And a little more prone to emotional outbursts. It was like he was overflowing with all these emotions he couldn't contain. He didn't even know where they came from sometimes. One time he got irrationally angry at his colored pencils for not being in the right order. Another time he dropped his phone, picked it up perfectly unharmed, and burst into tears. So yeah, he was having weird emotions, but he was fine.

Right now he was trying not to get angry about losing his headphones. He wasn't doing very well, but maybe the hot drink would help.

Heathcliff was really good at giving him just what he needed.

As if on cue, the older man appeared with a steaming mug of tea. Fred thanked him again before giving up on his search and collapsing onto the couch. He evened out his breathing and took long sips of his tea. Cranapple. Not bad.

He sighed again. He just wish he had something to _do_. He wanted to be distracted. It hadn't been a very good day. He'd woken up upset. He dreamed about Tadashi last night. He didn't remember what happened; he just knew that Tadashi was there. And then suddenly, he'd woken up and Tadashi was gone. Gone forever, just like he'd been the day before, and every day before that.

He was starting to come to terms with the fact that they'd never get to grow old together. Rationally he knew that he'd probably find someone else one day. He knew that Tadashi would have wanted that. He wouldn't have wanted to see Fred waste the rest of his life away, pining after him.

None of that made it any easier for him to let Tadashi go.

Nobody warned him that this might happen. When they started dating nobody had been there with a little pamphlet that said, "Don't forget that life is temporary, and one of you might die young". There was no one here now with a pamphlet that said, "So your boyfriend is dead: here's how to move on". He could really use one of those right now.

Honestly, life was a little crazy at the moment.

He was training to take on a super villain in a fire-breathing costume, coping with the loss of his boyfriend, and had met Santa Claus and then some.

Speaking of Santa and his posse, Fred hadn't seen them since they first showed up in his bedroom. Well, except for the Sandman, who popped by occasionally at night.

He never said anything, although sometimes he did make little pictures from golden sand above his head. Asking Fred how he was doing, he assumed. He always told him he was fine, asked him how the dream business was going, and got a little thumbs up in reply. It was nice.

He knew they were hiding something from him though. First of all, they'd been really weird that first day they'd met. They pretended like it was just concern for his breakup, but it just didn't sit right with him. They'd also said they were worried because he had some important role in the future. That couldn't have been right though. He wasn't anything special. He was just a rich kid with too much time on his hands. It wasn't like he was about to turn into Batman or something. Batman had a really shitty life that drove him to become Batman. Fred had it easy. His parents weren't the most affectionate, but they were still alive, and they weren't abusive or anything.

The point is, he wasn't important enough for those guys to be interested in him.

Something fishy was going on, and he had a sinking feeling that somehow it had to do with Tadashi.

* * *

"Ah, so you have heard of me then," Pitch said as he circled Tadashi like a vulture.

"A little," Tadashi replied quietly. Honestly, Jack hadn't told him much about the guy. All he said was that a few years back Pitch had tried to take over the world and get rid of the guardians. He also said he had disappeared, but it looked like he was back from vacation.

"Well, I assume you know how the guardians and I don't get along then."

"Uh, yeah, that's one way to describe it," he said. He rubbed his arm absentmindedly. Was it just him, or was it getting colder?

"Cold?" Pitch asked, as if he could read his thoughts. "I would have thought you'd be used to cooler weather, what with hanging about with _Frost_." He spat out Jack's name like it was a particularly rotten piece of fruit he'd eaten by accident.

Tadashi didn't know what to say.

Jack kept the weather cool, but it felt nothing like this. Jack's cold was like a comfort blanket. It brought him back down when he lost control, and left a refreshing sort of chill.

Down here the cold was nothing but emptiness. It hollowed out his insides and numbed him. Every passing second it got harder for him to breathe; the cold was so suffocating.

"It's not important, I suppose. What is important, is the threat that you could become," Pitch drawled, stepping uncomfortably close.

"You see, I work with shadows and darkness. Someone like you, who creates light- well, you could really get in the way," he sneered, bringing his face level with the other's.

Tadashi didn't dare to breathe. He wasn't even sure his heart was beating. The flame in his hand shrunk to the size of a cherry.

"You're not the brightest light I've ever seen- you could never even compare! But nonetheless, I can't allow you to stay. A weak light like yours will be so easy to snuff out," Pitch growled before grabbing Tadashi by the throat and shoving him against the tunnel wall. He felt icy claws dig into his skin and hold him in place. He looked around him in alarm as the shadows peeled themselves from the walls to glower at him.

His breath came in short gasps. He tried to stay calm, but he could feel another panic attack coming on. But there were no scorching flames coming this time. He was so, so cold. The shadows wrapped around him tightly, digging into his skin.

He watched in horror as Pitch materialized a giant scythe out of thin air.

It felt like one of the shadows had reached inside his chest to grab hold of his heart and squeeze it until it felt ready to pop.

The fire in his hand disappeared.

He squeezed his eyes shut, felt hot tears escape and make trails down his cheeks.

He heard the scythe cut its way through the air and then-

Nothing.

Seconds ticked by and nothing happened.

" _No_ ," Pitch breathed. "This can't be."

There was something in his voice that made Tadashi open his eyes. It should have been pitch black down there in the tunnels, but he could see a soft glow approaching. What in the world? Had one of the other guardians come for him?

The shadows screamed and raced away from the light like it hurt them.

"It can't be- you're _dead_ ," Pitch hissed, backing away as he stared down the tunnel. He had a look in his eye that Tadashi didn't know how to describe. It was like Pitch didn't know how to feel about this new development.

The shadows slackened their grip.

Tadashi's eyes were glued to the figure advancing towards him. He saw a shock of white hair.

"He is not yours to take," a soft melodious voice whispered through the air.

Tadashi was finding it difficult to focus. He struggled to keep his eyes open.

The figure swung at the shadows with something- a staff maybe- and the shadows holding him disappeared. They retreated down the tunnels in a shrieking cacophony, whisking Pitch away as well.

He collapsed into a pair of warm arms, unable to stand on his own. He felt himself being gently lowered to the ground.

"Sleep," the soft voice said, and he obeyed.

The last thing he saw was a pair of green eyes gazing down at him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I forget that just because I wrote a chapter for another story, it doesn't mean I updated the other ones lol. I sit there like "I'm so productive!" and then I'm like "oh wait" lol  
> Side note: I still have no idea what I'm doing with this story haha, but kudos if you know who just showed up (I'm still bitter that he wasn't in the movie cuz he was fucking hardcore man)


	10. Let's Put Off Our Problems Like Adults

 Tadashi bolted upright.

His head hurt something fierce, and the incurable itching was back in full force.

"What the...?" He looked around in confusion. His head was still a little foggy, but he was pretty sure he hadn't been back at SFIT before he passed out. In fact, he was pretty sure he'd been in some creepy underground tunnel. He was only like 99% sure of that. The other 1% was him hoping it had all just been a bad dream.

How had he gotten here? And how long had he been passed out? When he finished training with Jack it had only been mid-afternoon. Now the sun had set and the sky was dark. He tried to remember what had happened before he passed out, but it was all so blurry... Did Jack save him?

No, that couldn't be it. First of all, Jack wouldn't have been nearly so quiet. He was positive that if the other spirit had been down there he'd have been shouting expletives at Pitch the whole time. Though most of the evidence did seem to point to him. White hair, fighting with a staff...but whoever had saved him had green eyes, not Jack's familiar blue. Maybe Jack had a quieter more reclusive twin?

He was still mulling it over when the other guardians showed up.

"Tadashi! You're alright," Tooth exclaimed, throwing her arms around him in a tight hug.

"Uh, yeah. I mean, I guess? I don't really know what happened..." he trailed off, patting her sympathetically on the back.

The Easter Bunny- Aster, he reminded himself- looked speculatively at him, clearly wanting to say something but holding back.

"I had bad feeling in gut. And Jack said he felt bad presence after your training as well. But no one could find you," North grunted. He looked extremely put out, as if it was somehow Tadashi's fault he couldn't be found.

"Where the hell have you been? We checked here like ten times, but you weren't here before. And what the hell happened?" Jack asked. He was annoyed, but his concern seeped through his voice.

"I...I met Pitch Black," he managed to squeeze out. Tooth was hugging him far too tight.

"You _what_?" she exclaimed, jumping back a good foot away.

The air above Sandy's head was an explosion of golden images being exchanged in rapid succession. Jack and Aster had similar expressions of distaste on their faces, while North merely looked contemplative.

"Ah, yes. I had suspicions that would be the case. But you are unharmed?" he asked, peering closely at him.

"Um, yeah..." He was pretty sure he was physically okay. Mentally...maybe not so much.

"You sound awfully unsure about that, Mate. You got something to tell us?" Aster finally spoke up, eyes boring into him. He gulped.

"Well, I mean, he did kinda try to kill me I think? But-" he started to explain, but chaos broke out among the guardians.

" _What_?"

"Oh no, are you sure you're not injured? Stand straight so I can see-"

"Look closely at fingers-how many fingers am I holding up?"

"Where did that rotten egg go? I'll boomerang him straight to-"

There were so many questions bombarding him, and they were all starting to crowd him. He was still confused and kind of scared... His breath hitched a bit, and he could feel his skin getting warmer. Something tightened in his chest.

" _Whoa_. Okay, hang on, everyone just back off for a minute. We'll get back to our freak out after we give him some space," Jack said, noticing the effect this was having on Tadashi. All that time together made it easier for him to help prevent panic attacks.

They all took a step back, albeit rather reluctantly. Tadashi shot Jack a grateful look.

"Okay then. Let's do this one at a time, yes?" North said, speaking lowly.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Tooth asked, giving him another worried look.

He smiled weakly at them. "I'm fine. Really. Just a little shaken. That's all."

The tension visibly drained out of the group.

"How did you make it out without a scratch?" Aster asked quietly. He looked perplexed, as if he couldn’t' understand why Pitch would change his mind. This was fair, since he didn't really.

"I'm not sure," he started, uncertain how to continue. "Someone saved me. They chased off all the shadows. I didn't get a good look at them. But...I kind of thought it was you at first, Jack." He looked hesitantly at the other boy.

Jack looked just as puzzled at him, but behind him the other guardians shared a look.

"You say he looked similar to Jack? How so?" North inquired.

"Oh, well they had white hair, and I think they had a staff or something too? The eyes were different though. And the voice. Kind of musical sounding?" He shrugged, rubbing at his arms.

"What about the eyes were different?" Tooth asked, eyes wide as saucers. "Were they green?"

"I-yeah. They were. How'd you know that?" Tadashi stammered at the intensity of their gaze.

"Yes, do fill us in. Because I sure as hell don't know who it is you're talking about," Jack frowned.

The remaining guardians shared another look. Said looks were starting to annoy Tadashi. What was it they were hiding from him and Jack?

"Jack we mentioned him before..." Tooth said quietly, holding her hands up in attempt to placate him.

"I sure don't remember having some conversation about someone who is apparently my long lost twin."

"Not twin Jack. Though you two are quite similar. In looks that is," North cut in. He was quelled by the glare Jack sent his way.

"You remember that story about Pitch we told you Jack? About who he was before?" Tooth began again.

He huffed. "Yeah, well it was kind of hard to forget. I mean it's not like I ever would have thought Pitch could be anything but dark and dreary."

Tadashi looked on in confusion. He had no idea who they were all talking about, but he didn't really feel like interrupting.

"Yes, very hard to imagine sometimes, but remember who told us story?"

"I don't know, the Man in the Moon?" Jack snapped, impatient for them to get to the point.

"Yes, but Manny learned from someone else," North replied, giving him a meaningful look.

Jack gaped back at him. "Are you telling me some guy that's been around since Pitch was good saw all this go down and hasn't done anything since then? And that apparently he just popped up to help Tadashi out of nowhere?" He waved his arms around in the air for emphasis, absolutely flabbergasted at what he was being told.

"Much has happened since Pitch's fall. Guardian did not do nothing. But he has been missing for almost as long. It appears he has returned," North said, stroking his beard as he pondered over what had happened.

"Um, I hate to interrupt...whatever this is, but can someone please explain to me what's going on?" Tadashi asked. His head was starting to spin, trying to keep up with their bizarre conversation.

"Oh right, you didn't hear the story. Well, once upon a time, Pitch was actually one of the good guys. But then he got tasked with guarding over some fear monsters and they tricked him, yada yada, anyway he's bad now. Oh, and someone saw all this happen and told the Man in the Moon about it later on," Jack responded nonchalantly.

What. The . Fuck.

"Okay, now that Tadashi's caught up, it's time to spill about who this mysterious life saver actually is. Does he have a _name_?"

"His name is Nightlight," Tooth supplied helpfully.

" _Nighlight_? What kind of names is Nightlight? Also, how ironic is it that he got named the same thing that keeps little kids from having nightmares about the Bogeyman." Jack snorted.

"Is not ironic. Manny named them after him. So little ones would have comfort he had when he was a child, and Nightlight watched over him."

Now that Tadashi thought about it, the person he saw before had seemed to glow. He had been ready to put it down as a near death hallucination, but apparently that might not be the case.

"Excuse me? He watched over the Man in the Moon?" Jack turned to look at Tadashi in exasperation. He just shrugged. This was clearly big news to Jack, who had known about all this guardian stuff for a while, but everything blended into equal amounts of weirdness to Tadashi.

"Yes, yes. It's how he told Manny what happened to Pitch. When they were on the run from him," North nodded as if that explained everything.

Jack almost saw red.

"Will you please just tell me everything you know about this Nightlight guy's history with Pitch? You're just giving me more questions every time you answer me," he gritted out. Tooth winced.

"I'm not sure now is the best time for that story," she said.

"Now is literally the best time. What time would be better? The guy just showed up for the first time in who knows how long. Explain. Now," he demanded.

She sighed, wings dropping at his tone, but she did as he ordered. "As North said, Nightlight was Manny's guardian as a child. It was during this time that Pitch was possessed by the fearlings. It broke his heart, Jack. Nightlight and Pitch...they were very close," she trembled.

Tadashi wondered just how close she meant. Pitch _had_ been rather shaken by Nightlight's arrival in the tunnels. And it was the fearlings that had dragged him away...

Tooth took a steadying breath and continued, "When Pitch heard that Manny had never had a bad dream before he became hell bent on turning him to the darkness. He planned on making Manny his nightmare prince, so Manny's parents took him and ran away with Nightlight. But Pitch followed them across the stars, no matter where they went. Eventually he caught up.

"The Lunanoffs- Manny's family, that is- were forced to face him. They fought bravely, but in the end Pitch was stronger than them. He was going to kill them before Nightlight intervened."

"And by intervened, you mean...?" Jack gave her a searching look, folding his arms across his chest.

"She means Nightlight took a gander at what was happening, and decided to go take care of Pitch himself. He left Manny and stabbed that venomous bugger right in the heart," Aster interjected. Both Jack and Tadashi's jaws dropped.

"Wait just a minute- if he stabbed him in the heart then what is Pitch still doing here?!" Jack exclaimed, shaking out of his stupor.

"When Nightlight stabbed him, there was said to be an explosion of light brighter than twenty suns. After that, Pitch was put into a comatose state. His body was hidden away so nothing would awaken it. As for Nightlight, he disappeared after the explosion. Nobody knew what happened to him. There were rumors...rumors that such an act had taken all the light he had, and without light he couldn't exist. He is made of light after all," Tooth said wearily.

Tadashi just shook his head. Pitch being made of shadows and darkness was one thing, but now there was some dude made entirely of light? The scientific side of him was screaming for theoretical answers.

"So...what woke Pitch then? You said he was hidden away so that wouldn't happen, but obviously it did," he asked.

"A moonbeam found him and revived him by accident. Nobody's really sure how it worked," Tooth said.

"A moonbeam fou- now you're telling me there's sentient moonbeams?" Jack yelled in exasperation. He threw his hands in the air in defeat. He was never going to understand how the universe worked.

"Mate, you can manipulate the winds and create blizzards. Is it really that surprising that moonbeams can be sentient?" Aster quirked an eyebrow at him. He had a point.

"Fine. I just- I need a moment to process all this," Jack said. He paced around the lab, frost creeping from his footsteps.

"So...nobody knows what this Nightlight has been doing since then?" Tadashi broke the silence with his question. They all swiveled to look at him. Even Sandy, who had been suspiciously quiet during all of this. Well, maybe not suspiciously quiet so much as suspiciously not making signs over his head.

"No," was all North replied with.

"What I don't understand is why he didn't come talk to any of us," Tooth said, scratching her head.

"I mean, none of us knew him personally, but surely he knows who we are. At the very least he'd know we were working against Pitch."

Sandy raised his hand tentatively with a small arrow pointing down at him.

"Hmm? Oh, right. Sorry. I forgot you met him before, Sandy. Yes, I know it was just once, but you'd think he'd still remember you. After all, you both do the talking with pictures thing," she gestured at the image over his head.

"He talked to me though," Tadashi said. A slight furrow appeared between his brows. Nightlight had definitely used his voice back in the tunnels.

"He can talk, but he prefers to use images like Sandy," North explained.

Tadashi scuffed his feet on the floor and tried to clear his head. So much had changed in such a short span of time. Maybe someday once he was a fully fledged guardian he'd have all this supernatural nonsense and dramatic back stories under control. Right now everything was way out of hand.

Jack drifted over to his side and draped an arm across his shoulders. He smiled crookedly at him before returning his attention back to the others. "So what are we going to do? I mean, this changes things doesn't it?" He glared at them, challenging them to prove him wrong.

"Of course it does!" North boomed. He planted his fists firmly on his hips and straightened to his full height. "Pitch is finally back on scene, and he has tried to kill guardian. We cannot let this pass."

"You're right. Something is stirring. Pitch was never so bold in the past, and what with Nightlight's return... I think it's safe to say that something big is coming." Aster's nose twitched when he was concentrating. Tadashi thought it was kind of cute, but he had enough of his wits about him not to mention it. He just survived an encounter with the Bogeyman-it would be a shame to die immediately after by getting on the Easter Bunny's bad side.

"Should we be looking for Pitch then? Or for Nightlight?" Tooth asked, flittering anxiously above them.

They all took a moment to think it over.

"We~ll, maybe we should just look for both of them? I mean, isn't that the obvious answer?" Jack drawled.

"Not obvious, Frostbite. There's lots of things to consider. If we split up and someone finds Pitch then how do we know he won't overpower them? Last time he almost wiped us out, and even if he lost in the end it's been years since then. He could have easily regained his strength in that time, and with this new development he's probably gotten more powerful.

"And we don't personally know Nightlight that well. He might not care to see us. Maybe nobody's seen him in millennia because he didn't want to be seen. He saved Sparky over here, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's on our side. Tooth said it herself, he and Pitch were real close back in the day."

Tooth scoffed, "Nightlight would _never_. Manny trusted him more than anyone, and his feelings didn't stop him from defeating Pitch in the past." She hummed with angry energy.

"A lot can change in that amount of time," Aster said, frowning with indignity as she flew closer, face scrunched up in outrage.

"Nightlight was the first Guardian. He wouldn't betray the children like that. Someone who radiates such light could never stoop so low to the dark." She and Aster continued to glower at each other. The tension in the air was thick enough that Tadashi could have cut into it with a knife.

"Um, I know I don't have much experience with any of this, but I think Tooth is right. I only saw him for a few moments, but it didn't look like he was about to align himself with Pitch anytime soon," Tadashi said. "Not that that means he'll be on our side," he amended quickly when Aster snapped his disapproving gaze over to him. Tooth had a triumphant smile on her face.

"I just don't think we have to worry about him going dark. You could be right though, Aster. He might not want to see us. After all, it's not like he hung around to make sure you found me." He brought a hand up to scratch at the back of his neck, dislodging Jack's arm in the process.

"Well, that solved a whole lot of nothing," the winter spirit sighed. He swung his staff to rest on his shoulders and strode over to Honey's work station where he poked at a few of the tools left out.

"Jack is right. We are getting nowhere. We must act!" North bellowed, pounding his fist into his palm.

Tadashi slumped. It was a miracle they ever got anything done around here since they couldn't seem to agree on anything.

Sandy popped between them all and began throwing little gold images into the air. One of which was an arrow that looked suspiciously like it was pointing at him. The other guardians nodded along, far more experienced at deciphering his words than Tadashi.

"Sandy is also right. Best we figure this out another day. For now, we should go about our duties. And for you Tadashi, that means getting rest. Don't worry. Things will work out in end," said North, patting him hard on the back. Tadashi wondered if he'd find a hand shaped bruise on there tomorrow.

He also wondered if it was normal for them to just ignore their problems and procrastinate about what to do. It was like being back in college.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing a new fic and I hate myself, but BvS was so brutally mischaracterized I had to fix it.  
> BUT I STILL MANAGED TO WRITE THIS ONE WITHIN A MONTH SO AT LEAST THERE'S THAT.  
> Honestly, writing like a chapter a week for different fics is so hard sometimes lol.  
> Also, yes, I decided to make Nightlight and Pitch hella gay for each other (sorry William Joyce). Katherine's pretty bombin tho, so maybe I'll fit her in elsewhere.  
> If you ever wonder where I'm going with this fic, just remember that I'm a terrible writer with no experience and I have literally no idea. So if you want better you'll just have to write it yourself lmao (please do tho, I want more guardian tadashi fics)


	11. A Memory is No Friend of Mine

There are places where the earth is untouched by light. Places where only the sightless go, for if one with eyes went there they would weep in despair. One such place was where Pitch Black chose to hide.

How ironic that the Bogeyman would hide in fear, when he was nearly fear itself.

His eyes let him see in the crushing darkness, yet he saw nothing now, too caught up in his thoughts.

"It can't be," he whispered to himself, over and over again with only the dark to hear him. Perhaps if he repeated his quiet mantra enough it would come true.

He knew it had been real though.

He'd been haunted by ghosts before. He'd been followed around by visions of his wife and his daughter. And of that one ghost that tore him apart inside like nothing else.

What he saw in that tunnel was no ghost- it was the real thing. It had been more painful than any apparition his mind conjured to torture him.

Pitch was ancient. And like it does with all things, time faded his memories. He thought he'd remembered every last detail of his old life. Everything important anyways.

But when he'd seen him again, he realized just how much he'd forgotten.

That little nick on his right cheekbone. How the normally blue glow surrounding him got the slightest hint of green in it when he was disappointed.

Of course, there were also things about him that he knew had not been there before.

His armor, normally so pristine, was worn out and battered at the edges. His eyes, always so soft and full of life had turned hollow and tired. That look in his eyes filled him with more fear than he thought possible.

There was only one thing that had ever hurt him as much as that moment. No, make that two things.

The first was when they came to blows, the Lunanoffs trembling behind him as he placed himself between them and Pitch. He still remembered the searing pain when that crystal dagger pierced his chest, and the tears that had escaped down the other's cheeks. When they reached his icy skin they burned.

The second time was when he woke up, centuries later in another cavern, cold and dusty. And alone. He remembered waking to light, and realizing it was not the light he longed for. And the incredible emptiness he felt in his chest. He knew- he _knew_ \- that the other was gone from the world. Because even when he'd first been possessed by the fearlings, even when he chased the Lunanoffs across the stars, he could still feel his presence. It had anchored him to the universe and kept him from losing himself completely. But when that moonbeam stumbled upon him he found he had lost his anchor. No matter how hard he searched he could not find it again. Not a trace.

So he clutched onto that empty spot in his chest and locked it up. The Guardians, unpleasant little menaces that they were, kept telling him that he had no heart. He sneered at them, and told them they were right. And for once, he was telling the truth.

He lost his heart in a great flash of light, and afterwards the whole world became ugly shades of gray. There was never enough light in it to create color anymore.

"He's dead. He's gone," he whispered to no one. It couldn't be him because Pitch couldn't feel him. It couldn't be.

But it was.

And that was far worse.

For the first time in a millennia Pitch Black wept. He cried for someone whose name he swore he'd never speak again.

* * *

In another place, a wanderer floated through fields of wildflowers, leaving glowing trails of light in his wake.

He too, shed tears for once was, but still he roamed on.

* * *

"Aster?"

"Yeah, mate?"

"Can I ask you a question?" Tadashi asked.

"You just did," he replied. When Tadashi said nothing he turned to look at him, setting down the boomerang he'd been inspecting.

"What is it?" he sighed while the other fidgeted.

"Um, when Tooth said Nightlight and Pitch were close, how close did she mean?" he asked, sitting a little too tense to pass off for casual. Aster could practically feel the tension rolling off him in waves.

"Look, kid," the Easter Bunny said, dropping down to sit beside him on the ground. "This all went down before any of us really knew Pitch. So I can't tell you for sure, but I can tell you what others have said." Tadashi just nodded in response, seemingly satisfied with the idea.

"I don't remember if it came up when Tooth was explaining this stuff before, but Pitch had a family. He had a wife and a daughter that he loved a lot. But he was a protector of the people, and he didn't get to spend much time with them. And sometimes when you spend that much time away from each other, you just drift apart. It's nobody's fault. It just happens.

"Pitch cared for his family, and I think they cared for him too. But from what I've heard, Pitch and his wife weren't really together for a good while before all this Nightmare King business. They were more like old friends at that point.

"I guess it must have been lonely for him though, guarding those fearlings by himself for so long. He didn't get much visitors according to Manny.

"He did get one frequent guest though. Apparently Nightlight sort of just stumbled upon him one day and befriended him. After that he kept coming back. Most of the time they spent together was right outside those monsters' prison."

Tadashi frowned for a moment, and Aster held his tongue, waiting for whatever question was about to come.

"So...I mean...did they really know each other that well then? I mean, it's just that..." he trailed off, unsure how to continue.

Aster sighed again. "Well, he did guard those monsters for many years. I'm not sure precisely how long or how much of that time was actually spent together. But if you're wondering if they could really love each other with just that...

"Well I certainly couldn't tell ya. But the way Manny talks about what they had, he makes it sound like it was more precious than all the treasures of the Earth combined. And perhaps it was. We might never know. What happened between them... well, it's not like Pitch has been particularly forthcoming about what happened. And it doesn't really come up much in battle. A just on rare occasion when Tooth or North is exceptionally emotional about Pitch's past.

"I will tell you this- he's never more furious than when someone brings it up. So perhaps that says more than an actual admittance.

"You were there for their reunion. How did Pitch seem to you then?" Aster turned to him, flipping the situation so Tadashi was the one answering questions he was unsure about.

He thought about it for a minute, trying to recall what had happened before he passed out.

"He seemed...shocked. And maybe a little...afraid?" He was pretty sure there was a sliver of fear in Pitch's eyes when Nightlight had approached. He supposed that was fair, considering the whole getting stabbed in the chest thing. Although it didn't seem like that was what he was remembering at the time. Plus there was that stuff he was saying to Tadashi before...

"Do you think- no. Never mind. It’s dumb," he mumbled. He shifted uncomfortably on the concrete, and tried very hard to make sure nothing started smoldering.

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that, mate? What do you want to ask?"

"Well, um, Pitch said some things...to me. When he tried to...you know." He made a cutting motion across his throat.

"What kind of things?" the other tilted his head and moved a little closer. The concern on his face growing every second.

"Just...things. About being, uh, not the brightest light he'd seen or something? I mean, I didn't really understand what he meant then, I was kind of preoccupied with the whole 'I'm about to die' thing, but now I'm kind of wondering if it was like a Nightlight thing? And you guys said that he and Jack looked a lot alike, and Jack said he tried to get him to partner up with him during your last big fight. So, I dunno, do you think it's possible he still has feelings for him?"

The other paused, mulling it over in his head. He never really thought about it before. At least not in depth. It was like all the pieces were put in front of him, and he could get a general idea of the bigger picture, but he'd never actually bothered to put them together.

"Y'know, mate, I always assumed he did, but I never really thought about how deep those feelings still extended after all this time. It would make sense if he did. I figured that he would have gotten over Nightlight after all this time, yet all the evidence proves otherwise. It's hard for me to imagine Pitch as he is now as someone who could love anything.

"I bet if you asked the other guardians they would say something similar. Maybe we lot are too detached from Pitch's origins to properly think of the bugger as someone who can feel the way we do. To us, what happened to him is still a story. It's easier to think of the man back then as a different person from the Pitch we know now," said Aster. There was a barely perceptible slump to his shoulders as if he were readying himself for defeat, and Tadashi was suddenly reminded just how old his friend was. What must it be like to live for so long and fight the same opponent over and over, until you forgot who your opponent really was?

A thought flashed through his mind, wondering if the same would become of him.

What else would he forget when the years passed him by? Would he remember his friends? Would he remember his family? Already in his short life he realized he could no longer recall the sound of his parents' voices. And that had only been after ten years. How long would it take before he forgot their faces or how much he'd loved them?

"I don't think any of us have mentioned this before- it probably seemed obvious to us. But living the way we do is hard sometimes," Aster's voice broke through his thoughts. "I don't mean fighting nightmares and the like either. It's a different sort of challenge, watching over people, watching them grow from children to the elderly when you remain unchanged. You see the world evolve in a never ending cycle, and you start to feel stagnant." The volume of his voice dropped with each word, until it was barely a whisper. He had a far off look in his eyes like there was a story there, but Tadashi was too afraid to ask what it was. He did feel a strong need to comfort this friend though.

"Well, I don't know if I'd go that far. I mean, kids still believe in you, and I doubt they would do that if you'd never changed at all. I think we're all changing. Sometimes it's just harder to tell because it's gradual. Maybe you just feel that way because it's not as noticeable in a physical sense. Jack says you've changed a lot since he first met you," Tadashi added, immediately regretting it when Aster's face scrunched up distastefully.

"No offense, mate, but I'm not really sure that's comforting. Given who said it first and all," he shook his head. He was smiling, so Tadashi figured it couldn't be that bad.

"What's brought all this talk about Pitch's love life though?" Aster asked, looking expectantly at him.

Tadashi almost forgot to breathe for a moment. There was in fact a reason for it- he just wasn't sure if he was ready to explain it. After all, they hadn't known each other that long. But they were talking about the times changing...

"I just... wanted to know something."

"Which was?" the bunny quirked an eyebrow at him, waiting patiently.

"I-" Oh God. How was he going to get this out? "Um, you guys aren't bothered by Pitch and Nightlight’s relationship?" he stammered out eventually.

Aster tilted his head and looked quizzically at him. "No?" he replied, “I mean, I suppose? It's disappointing to think about what they had and how it had to end."

"No I mean- that is- you're not bothered that they're both men?" he blurted out.

Fuck. That could have been put more tactfully.

The look of confusion on Aster's face cleared. "Of course not, mate. Love is love, no matter who or what form it comes in. It's one of the most powerful forces of light in the universe-why would we ever be against that?"

There was a knot in Tadashi's chest that was slowly unraveling with every word that came out of Aster's mouth. The relief must have shown on his face because not two seconds later there was a warm hand on his shoulder. He peered up at the other warily.

"Tadashi, is this about that friend of yours? The one we visited when we first met you?"

"I- yeah. Yeah. We were, um, we were together. Not for super long, but...it still- it still hurts, you know?" he croaked. He could feel tears building up in the back of his eyes, but he refused to turn into a sobbing mess right now. He couldn't feel sorry for himself forever. It's not like it would change anything.

He was surprised when the hand on his shoulder pulled him into a tight hug, pressing his face into the warm fur at Aster's collarbone.

"It's okay to be sad. We don't expect you to be perfectly okay. Nobody is fine all the time. No matter what you go through, we'll be here for you. And if you miss being with that boy- and the rest of your old life- that's okay too. We get it. You're allowed to miss things."

Tadashi was too choked up to say anything in response, but he brought his arms up to cling to Aster a little tighter. He let himself cry too, knowing there was no use trying to stop them now.

He didn't know how long they sat there like that, but he did know that by the end of it he felt a lot better.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello... I am here. I have not died under mysterious circumstances. I have returned to deliver another chapter in which nothing happens- my specialty. To be fair, I did have midterms last week, and I was virtually dead to the world. Like I wrote 6 and a half hours worth of art history notes because I slept through so much class (like I was physically there, but 99% of the time I fall asleep for at least half an hour of it) and then the next day I was at school from 9-4:30, test included, and then I had work at 5:30-8, and then after that I went to the printmaking studio to do my homework and I was there from about 8:30-5. It was rather hellish. I'm pretty sure there was more mountain dew in my veins than blood by the time I got home. But like, I did pass my test, and that was really the most important part. College is an adventure.


	12. Mother Nature's Not What I Expected, But I've Learned to Throw Expectations Away Anyways

He searched and he searched, but Pitch Black couldn't find his light. He scoured every last inch of the Earth and still came up with nothing. No matter where he went, he was always too late to catch Him. The closest he got was a quiet village in Kenya where the last remnants of His glowing trail gleamed a little brighter.

It was infuriating.

The fearlings clawed at him, whispering harshly at him to stop, their hissing voices swirling in his head. They told him to give Him up because there was no need for light. He was supposed to snuff all the light out, not long for it.

And yet he couldn't stop.

That small part of himself that he'd locked away was peeking through the bars of its cage, begging to be let free. It needed Him.

Pitch had felt like his world was falling apart again when he'd seen Him after so long. The thought that they could have been together but were so far apart nearly destroyed him. He thought he'd never feel whole again. He hadn't even realized prior to that moment that he'd been missing a piece of himself.

Then he'd been violently reminded of the fact. It made him weak.

But then he realized that he could be whole again. He just had to convince Him that it could happen. They could be together again, and they could finally be happy. Pitch would fulfill his plan, and he'd rule the world, and He could be at his side. It would take some convincing, but in the end He would agree. After all, they'd be together, and that was more important than anything.

He just needed to talk to him. He'd been too stunned to say anything last time, but this time he'd explain himself. Everything could go back to the way it was. They could sit and talk and Pitch would tell jokes to make Him laugh again. He'd polish His armor for him and make it shine like it used to.

He'd tell Him that he loved Him.

He'd never said it before, but he wouldn't hesitate to do it now. He was a different man after all.

Back then he'd been too afraid of his feelings because of his other attachments. How could he fall in love with someone while he was still married to another? How could he when he had a family back home, waiting for his long watch to end?

The answer was so obvious to him now. He couldn't be expected to love them unconditionally when he never saw them. He spent eons guarding the fearlings, and before that he'd been battling everything across the galaxy to keep everyone safe. He hardly ever saw his family because of his work, so he couldn't be blamed for the rift that came between them.

It made perfect sense that he fell in love again, with someone as warm and inviting as the gentle light of the stars.

He'd quite literally stumbled upon him while he was keeping guard. Apparently He'd been looking for His charge. Instead he found Pitch. Although back then he'd been Kozmotis Pitchiner.

They'd both been surprised at the other's appearance, but Kozmotis had been the first to say anything, asking Him what in the world he was doing down there.

And from that moment on they became friends. It was as simple as that.

When He could, He'd come visit him. They'd spend hours chatting to each other, forgetting the looming presence in the room beside them. His new friend lit up the space so brightly that the shadows fled as far as they could get. The two of them were happy. And as time passed they became even closer. So close that Kozmotis became afraid.

Once a month, at the full moon when the Lunanoffs were at their strongest, Kozmotis would get the day off guard duty. Once a month they let him sleep and regather his strength. It was hard, but he never complained. Someone had to do it, and he was the strongest, so it made sense. And he was happy to get the reprieve and escape through pleasant dreams of his family,

But eventually those dreams of his family were replaced with dreams of Him, and he panicked.

He stopped being as open with Him and tried to push him away. Not roughly, mind you, just enough to encourage him to venture elsewhere. It hurt to do it, but at the time he thought it was the right thing to do. Each time Kozmotis pushed him away, He'd get a little dimmer and the shadows would grow stronger.

Eventually He stopped coming to visit.

It became harder and harder to ignore the whispers coming from the dark space beside him when there was no light to chase them away.

Until one fateful day he was too weak against them.

They had listened closely to the pair's conversations and plotted how to escape. Once He had finally left there was no one to stop them.

They whispered to him again, but this time they pretended they were not themselves. They used his daughter's voice. And through her voice they pled for him to let her go. When he refused from disbelief (he'd been so tired, but habit kept him wary) they'd cried. They wailed that he didn't love them now that he had someone else. They wept because they were being replaced, and he didn't even care.

He had been so tired.

It had been so long since he'd last slept.

He was so lonely.

He'd been so desperate to assure her that it wasn't true he'd flung himself against their prison to embrace her.

And that was where the story of Kozmotis Pitchiner ended.

Kozmotis Pitchiner had been weak, but Pitch Black was strong. He'd get back his light, and he'd keep Him with him forever. He'd finally hold what he'd been dreaming of for eons.

* * *

 

"I'm sorry, but where did you say we were going?" Tadashi asked incredulously.

Tooth looked at him nervously. "We're going to visit Mother Nature."

He and Jack shared a look of bewilderment before turning to her and asking in unison, "And why are we doing that?"

"Boys! Is very good to visit her every now and then! She is very powerful. Might help against this fight with Pitch!" North boomed jovially.

"Not likely," Aster grumbled beside him, prompting Tooth to elbow him not so gently into his side.

"Well...She might change her mind this time," North said, a little quieter this time. He didn't look so sure of himself anymore, and it didn't exactly inspire confidence in Tadashi.

"This time? You've asked her before?"

"Oh loads of times," Aster answered, "And each time she tells us to bugger off. I keep telling you, North- she's not gonna fight against her own father." He rolled his eyes in exasperation.

Jack came to an abrupt stop, causing Tadashi to walk straight into his back.

"His daughter?! Pitch has a- okay, I think you told us that before, but I kind of figured she wasn't around anymore or something. If she's here then why don't they have a heart to heart and hash things out or something huh?" Jack said, huffing in indignation.

"Jack," Tooth sighted. "It's not that simple." Tadashi was beginning to see that nothing ever was as a guardian.

"Well, feel free to explain. I'm all ears," Jack said. He floated above his staff and crossed his arms and legs, making it very clear he wouldn't move until someone gave him an explanation.

Tooth sighed again. She wasn't really in the mood to start telling stories again.

"Look mate, she and her father haven't really talked since he first left her and her mother when she was just a kid. She's probably not interested in confronting him as the Bogeyman," Aster said.

"Oh," was all Jack said before unfolding himself and continuing onward. Fortunately today was a day when he was willing to listen to short explanations. Maybe he had been expecting something juicier- like she and Pitch were secretly working together behind the scenes.

Despite the situation being handled so quickly there was still some lingering tension in the air. It made Tadashi want to fill up the silence. And because he didn't handle awkward silences well, that's exactly what he did.

"So is Mother Nature all green and wear flower crowns and the like? Or is that just something that people made up?" he asked.

"No, no. Well not anymore. She did like flower crowns back in the 60's. They were a big craze back then. Nowadays she assumes a more traditional look. She's not much of a flowery type of person anyway. Her powers have always lied more on the side of weather than plants," Tooth replied.

He couldn't say he was surprised. None of the guardians looked the way he had ever imagined as a child, so he'd stopped expecting anyone else from their world too either. This new information made him even more concerned about their visit though. He couldn't help but wonder if they'd end up electrocuted or thrown out in a hurricane.

A tug at his sleeve made him turn to Sandy. The little man formed golden pictures above his head of a little girl holding hands with a tiny replica of himself. Miniature Sandy and the girl were flying away on a star. The scene changed to an older version of the girl bending down and hugging the sandman. He tried to make sense of the images before speaking.

"You... and her are friends? You met her when she was kid?" The other nodded vigorously.

"Oh, right. Sandy saved her and brought her here when the war against Pitch and the fearlings destroyed her home. She's quite fond of him. It's probably why she puts up with us," Aster gestured vaguely at the group as a whole.

That did make him feel a little better. He'd just hide behind Sandy if things started turning sour.

* * *

 

"Seraphina! So good to see you once more!" North beamed. He led the group around a small cottage covered in ivy and to a flourishing garden where a woman crouched. For not being a plant person, Mother Nature sure kept a lot of them around.

"North. Guardians. I assume you're here to ask me to join your cause against Pitch again?" Her voice was clear but somehow seemed to come like a whisper in the wind. It was husky and slightly accented. Her voice was similar enough to her father's to send a shiver down Tadashi's spine.

The similarities didn't end there. When she stood up he saw that she was almost as tall as her father. She shared his dark hair, although hers flowed down her back in waves. Pieces of her seemed to drift in and out of solidity as if she were made of fog. He wondered briefly if she could melt into shadows the way her father could.

There was a brightness to her that was so different to her father though. Her skin was not the pale, inhuman marble as his was- it was warm and full of life. She had a healthy glow about her, a rosy blush in her cheeks. She wore a deep green dress that covered her fully with patterns that swirled like a storm. Her eyes were warm gray rather than cold silver.

"You know us too well," North grinned at her, unperturbed.

She sighed, "It's all you ever come to me for." The guardians shuffled around guiltily at that, knowing that what she said was true.

"Well...yes. But this time is different. This time someone new has appeared," North powered on.

"You mean that boy beside you? Or are you talking about Frost?" Tadashi stilled as he felt her gaze sweep across him.

"Hmm? Oh, them. No, not them. I mean, they are new since we last saw you, but they weren't who I was talking about. I am talking about someone much older and more experienced," North leaned in conspiratorially while she simply raised an eyebrow in polite curiosity.

"Nightlight has returned." Tadashi watched in growing worry as the look of light amusement dropped from her face and was replaced with thunderous anger.

The air seemed to crackle with her rage, and her eyes turned steely as she turned to level a look of betrayal at North.

"You think I would work with that honorless thief?" she snarled at him. Tadashi stepped discreetly behind Sandy and Aster. Between the two of them he was probably safe from her wrath.

"....Well, I did. Now, am not so sure," North chuckled nervously.

"That little snake took everything from me. It's because of him that all of this has happened. If he hadn't ruined everything my father would still be a good man," she hissed, hair whipping around her. In all her fury she became as terrifying as her father had been down in that cave.

North raised his hands placatingly before him and tried to reason with her. "That's a little harsh isn't it? I don't think you can blame Nightlight for all that has happened." His words only enraged her further.

"He stole my father's love from my mother and me. He twisted my father's friendship into perverse affections and then left him in the dust, weakened and vulnerable to the darkness. If he'd just left him alone, my father would not have fallen prey to the fearlings. He would not have let them destroy our home. My mother and father would both be alive and in love if he hadn't butted in where he didn't belong," she spat the words out as if they burned her tongue.

Tadashi's heart was pounding in his chest and his insides roiled. It was getting harder to breathe. She sounded so much like her father, and they shared the same spark of hate in their eyes. He felt his skin getting warmer.

"Alright, _enough_ ," Jack snapped from beside him. The winter spirit glided over to glare in her face, leaving a trail of frost in his wake and a gust of wind that helped cool his skin.

"You can't blame the guy for everything that happened. It's not like he made your dad fall in love with him- that's not how love works. You make it sound like your parents wouldn't have drifted apart from the distance anyway, but you know what? I think you're full of shit."

" _Jack_ ," North warned, but the other didn't stop.

"You're just jealous because Nightlight got more of your father's love than you ever did," he sneered, eyes cold as ice.

No one dared to breathe.

She and Jack stared each other down, but neither seemed willing to relent.

Finally, after what felt like years to Tadashi, Mother Nature took a step back and peered down her nose at them.

"Leave," she commanded, calm and controlled despite the fury he could see lurking behind her eyes.

Jack huffed, but turned around and swept away, grabbing a still paralyzed Tadashi by the arm and dragging him behind him. The others followed closely behind the pair and tried not to feel discouraged by what had just happened.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE TOO MANY FICS GOING AT ONCE  
> But it's cool. It's fun anyway. Just hard to update in a semi-reasonable manner lol.  
> I went back through the notes I had made for this fic and was like "oh right, that's where I was going with this oops" so I'm trying to get back on track haha.  
> (I swear fredashi was the only couple I was gonna write about in this, but somehow pitchlight shoved its way in there, and now I can't stop sorry but not really)


	13. It Turns Out I Know Nothing About Anyone I've Ever Cared About

The Guardians trudged back to North's workshop in various states of disappointment. The majority of them hadn't expected Mother Nature to agree, but they were still disappointed nonetheless.

It seemed like a prime time to take a break.

Unfortunately for Tadashi, there was no time for that.

One of Tooth's fairies came zooming in at top speed not moments after they arrived, pulling at Tadashi with urgency. He looked at her in confusion, not understanding what was so important. She huffed and let him go in favor of zipping around Jack and Tooth instead and pointing at him wildly.

"I think what Baby Tooth means is that you need to go with her. Maybe something happened to your friends or something," Jack supplied helpfully.

Oh no.

Please, for the love of all good things, let them be safe.

"North can you get me a portal to San Fransokyo?" he asked, turning to the older man hastily.

"Any specific coordinates?" the guardian boomed.

He looked at Baby Tooth who was having a stare down with her larger counterpart.

"They're heading towards an abandoned facility out on an island," Tooth said. He wasn't quite sure how she knew that. Maybe she and her fairies had some sort of hive mind thing going on? Eh, it wasn't important.

"Take us to the bay then. I'll fly him around til we find the right one," said Jack. Tadashi shot him a grateful look over North's shoulder.

"Just you two? I think we should all go," Tooth said, crossing her arms in a way that made it very clear that whatever he said would have little effect on her decision.

"What? No, no. I can't make you guys do that- they're _my_ friends. I don't want to bother you guys with my personal stuff," he protested.

Aster sidled up to him and threw an arm around his shoulders. "Mate, we're going with ya. It's part of being a guardian. We watch each other's backs." He winked down at him, and it made Tadashi feel a little warmer inside.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get going," Jack said impatiently, gesturing at North to get on with it.

"Alright alright. Here we go," North said as he lobbed a snow globe in front of them, the San Fransokyo Bay appearing from its swirling depths.

* * *

 

"I'm never hitching a ride with you ever again, Frost," Aster groaned, clutching at his stomach and mouth. Tadashi patted him gently on the back in sympathy.

After soaring above the bay on the winds they finally located Tadashi's friends. At least, it looked like the most likely place for them to be. The site was definitely abandoned and there was a weird mish mash of brightly splattered colors and scorch marks in front of the door that looked like they were made recently.

"Look- there's a hole in the door. How did they make that?" Tooth fluttered up close to look at it in curiosity.

Tadashi stepped through the gap, inspecting it at as he did so. "Wasabi has some sort of plasma laser blades on his arms. It's probably from those."

"Your friends sure know how to make things interesting," Jack remarked, whistling in appreciation. Tadashi just hummed in response. He was much more concerned with where his friends were.

He ran through the dark hallway until he heard their familiar voices coming from one of the rooms.

He skidded to a stop outside the door and peered in.

They were safe. Thank God. They were just watching some old videos- of what he wasn't sure. They appeared to be in some sort of control room that overlooked something much larger. It had some heavy damage to it and ohmygodtherewasagiantchunkofwallCOMINGRIGHTTOWARDSTHEM!

"Oh no," Baymax's robotic voice chimed in.

"Hiro!" Tadashi shouted, jumping to protect his little brother. It would have been useless, but he wasn't really thinking straight. That tended to happen when mortal danger was approaching.

Not for the last time, Tadashi felt relief for Baymax's quick reflexes. And for his strength. Without him his friends would have been crushed into multi-colored human pancakes by now, and he was really glad he didn't have to witness that.

Baymax's fist burst through the rubble- that was new; he hadn't seen Hiro's finished work on Baymax's suit before- and Yokai whipped around in surprise.

"Go for the transmitter behind his mask," Hiro instructed his teammates. He was forced to let them take the lead when Yokai took the opportunity to take Baymax out of the picture with a surge of microbots that crashed him into the wall.

The rest of the team turned to face their opponent.

"Okay, what's the plan?" Wasabi asked.

Fred stepped ahead of them and pulled his mask down over his face, smirking. "It's Fred time," he declared as he leapt over the edge. He was immediately swatted out of the way without Yokai even lifting a hand to stop him. If it wasn't horrifying to watch his ex-boyfriend plummet towards severe injury it would almost have been funny. Fortunately Fred righted himself in time not to break all his bones, but it was nerve wracking all the same.

"Seriously, what's the plan," Wasabi asked again.

Gogo replied, "Get the mask," before rushing in to attack.

"Right behind you!" said Honey, following her lead.

Wasabi was left staring after them incredulously. "For real- WHAT IS THE PLAN?!"

"Tadashi, what's going-"

"No time to explain! I need to get down there!" he cut off Tooth, grabbing on to Jack instead as he leaped over the edge of the balcony. He had to make sure his friends made it out of this okay. He didn't know how he could possibly manage to do that- since he had virtually no control over his powers- but he had to try.

Gogo had managed to make a hit on the masked man, but through a series of unfortunate events his four university pals had ended up in a heap on the floor. That only left Hiro.

It all happened so fast he almost missed when the masked man knocked Baymax out of the air, causing Hiro to careen straight into him and knock off his mask.

Hiro scrambled over to clutch at the mask before Yokai recovered from the shock. "It's over, Krei."

Tadashi held his breath as the masked man turned around, revealing his identity to his friends. The face he saw was not the face he recognized. What was once a face full of caring and encouragement was now twisted with pain and rage.

"Professor Callaghan?" Hiro gasped. Tadashi saw the confusion and hurt in his eyes, mirrored on the expressions of his friends. None of them had been expecting this. But then of course, how could they have? "The explosion. You died," Hiro said, not comprehending what he was seeing.

"No. I had your microbots," Callaghan replied.

Hiro felt weak. "But T-tadashi- you just let him die," he said, voice barely a whisper.

"Give me the mask, Hiro," Callaghan growled, stepping closer to his brother.

"He went in there to _save_ you!" he trembled.

"That was _his_ mistake," Callaghan seethed. He saw something flicker in his brother's eyes.

Tadashi felt something shatter inside him. He knew something had changed about his professor, knew that his death hadn't been planned in his grand scheme. But to hear him treat his sacrifice like it was nothing- that hurt. He felt something warm and wet make its way down his cheek. The squeezing feeling in his chest was back and he couldn't tell if he was breathing or not. He thought Jack might be talking to him. Everything seemed so distant and hazy.

And then in slammed back into focus.

"Baymax, destroy," Hiro said, stepping beside his robotic companion. A flicker of hesitation flashed across his professor's face.

Baymax turned to him, blinking. "My programming prevents me from harming a human being," he said matter of factly.

"Not anymore," Hiro snapped, opening up his access panel and plucking out the programming chip Tadashi had poured so many hours over. He tossed it away from them, glaring at Callaghan in grim determination.

"Hiro, this is not what-"

His access panel was slammed shut, cutting off whatever he was going to say. Baymax may have been artificial intelligence, but Tadashi found that he had a personality all his own. It had almost sounded like he was going to talk about Tadashi.

He didn't have time to think about it though because something much more worrying was happening.

"Do it Baymax. Destroy him!" Hiro commanded the now red eyed robot, and he moved to comply. His mechanized fist smashed into the wall where moments before his professor had been standing.

Tadashi couldn't breathe. Everything was happening so fast- everything was going so terribly. How could Hiro do this? How could Professor Callaghan have done all this? _How come he was so powerless to do anything_? He had to breathe. He had to help. He had to stop Hiro, but it was all too much.

He felt burning hot and icy cold all at once. Like a ghost, he saw an image of Pitch Black appear before him, scythe raised to strike as the rest of the world bled inky gray along the cavern walls. The cold snuffed out the fire in his skin.

He could only watch in horror as Baymax ruthlessly came at his professor- his _friend_ \- while his lab mates did their best to stop him. But even with their new gear they were no match for Baymax- Hiro had done too good of a job. And so had he, he realized.

Everything hurt to watch.

His friends flung themselves at the robot and were tossed aside like ragdolls- no doubt it must have hurt, but they kept going. Seeing his creation, something he had made to _help_ people, be used as a weapon made him want to scream. His little brother, whom he had loved more dearly than anything else in the world, had corrupted everything he had stood for. Watching his baby brother try to kill someone, revenge twisting his mind, was excruciating. Hiro couldn't do this. How could he have let this happen?

But what possibly hurt even more was the pure look of terror on his professor's face. Without the microbots he had no way of protecting himself, and he scrambled away from the killing machine chasing him like a man possessed.

Tadashi knew it was probably insane to care so much about someone who didn't seem to care about indirectly causing his death, but he couldn’t' help it. Callaghan had been like a father to him. He'd always offered a helping hand in his research, and he pressed Tadashi to be the best he could be. He had been a good man once. And deep down inside, Tadashi believed that good man was still there. He'd seen it- he hadn't imagined the look of horror on his professor's face when he saw Tadashi appear through the flames to rescue him. He'd seen the hand reaching out too late.

When he'd heard Professor Callaghan's cruel words earlier he had taken them at face value. But when he really thought about it he just couldn't believe that he meant them. He still had hope.

And even if Callaghan had been a nobody to him, he couldn't let this happen. He couldn't be complicit in someone's murder. It wasn't right. He couldn't bear to watch this happen. Especially since it was something that Hiro would never be able to return from if he succeeded.

Someone had to do someone had to do something.

He snapped out of the thoughts swirling through his head and burst into action. He sprinted towards his friends, mind going a mile a minute.

_He_ had to do something- anything! There had to be some way to help. How could he stop Baymax from following through with Hiro's order?

The chip.

If they could get his chip back in Baymax, maybe it would stop him in time.

 But he couldn't move the chip and place it back in Baymax's access port himself. Even in all the commotion, it would still be too suspicious for them to see it float back into place on its own. He needed someone else to do it.

He had to let someone else protect his brother.

The rest of the guardians had mysteriously disappeared, including Jack. When had that happened?

No good. One of his friends had to do it anyway.

Just as he realized this, Honey was thrown aside and forced to take a second to catch her breath.

Tadashi ran towards her, shouting as he went. "Honey! _Honey get the chip_! You need to put the chip back in his access port! You have to stop him! _PLEASE_!" he cried, begging her to hear him. She had to do it. She had to save them.

And for a second she turned her head towards him as if she could hear his voice. There was shock on her face, but it was replaced with a look of urgency as she located the chip and ran to it. She picked it up off the floor and ran to do what was needed.

Her opportunity came when Baymax threw Fred straight into Hiro, causing him to lose his grip on the mask. Callaghan scooped it up and put it back on, regaining control of the microbots and using them to ascend out of the crumbling ruins.

Baymax lifted a fist and took aim, not paying attention to Honey as she slipped in and opened his access port, sliding his medical chip back into place.

And just like that, the smoke cleared.

Baymax blinked back into his normal self, looking at his friends in concern.

Tadashi could breathe again.

His friends were panting in exhaustion, looking fearfully at his creation.

"My healthcare protocol has been violated," Baymax told them. He shuffled over to help Fred up from where he'd been thrown violently into the wall. He shrunk back from Baymax when he realized who it was.

"I regret any distress I may have caused," Baymax said unaffected.

"How could you do that? _I had him_!" Hiro yelled at them in reproach. _Oh Hiro_.

Wasabi turned towards him with uncharacteristic fire in his eyes. "What you just did- _we never signed up for_."

"We said we'd catch the guy," Gogo said, voice low and full of warning. "That's _it_."

Hiro whirled around to growl at them, "I never should have let you help me. Baymax, find Callaghan."

"My enhanced scanner has been damaged," Baymax replied, lights flickering across his visor to prove his point. Hiro groaned in frustration.

"Wings!" he snapped at the robot.

Fred stepped forward, concern written all over his face. "Hiro, this isn't part of the plan," he said. He looked afraid.

"Fly!" Hiro ordered, leaving the others behind as they called after him.

Tadashi watched him fly off beside them, silent as the grave.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want you all to know that this scene is the #1 reason I wrote this dumb fic lol. Because I read "Lighting Candles" and it was amazing, but when it got to this scene she SKIPPED OVER MY FAVORITE PART. LIKE- THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE WHOLE DAMN MOVIE. I'VE NEVER BEEN SO SCARED IN MY WHOLE DAMN LIFE- AND LEMME TELL YOU I'M A HUGE FUCKING CHICKEN. BuT tHiS pARt KiLLeD mE. NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I BEEN SO WORRIED A CARTOON DISNEY HERO WOULD ACTUALLY KILL SOMEONE. So seriously, this is one of the most important scenes to me, and i was extremely offended it was brushed over in the other fic. So I was like "ok, well I'll just have to write it my own damn self then I guess wtf" and here we are lmao.   
> Unfortunately my Writing Skills are not that great, but like at least I TriEd. So now I can die mostly content with the fact that I got to address this issue lol. I had to watch this scene so many times to get the dialogue right tho, and damn isn't that the worst part of writing fics that follow canon.  
> "silent as the grave" get it cuz he's dead??? lol every time I start to get serious I ruin it sorry


	14. Adulthood is an Endless Stream of Misery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the guardians are kinda assholes

Fred, Honey, Gogo and Wasabi trudged outside to wait for the chopper Fred had called for. They were all a little worse for wear and wanted nothing more than to return home and nurse their bruises. The day had been a disaster.

The one upside was that they had discovered why Professor Callaghan had started all this.

The lengths a man would go to to avenge his daughter....

He wondered what it was like to be so close to your parents that your death would drive them to such extremities. It's not like his parents would ever do that. Well, he didn't think so anyway. It wasn't like they hated him or anything, but there was some pretty noticeable distance between them and their son.

He glanced at his friends and wondered if they were asking themselves the same thing.

Honey was pretty close to her family. They all went to her mother's house for family dinners every week. Of course, they were all the sweetest, most exuberant people out there, so villainy didn't seem likely for them.

Gogo grew up with a single dad- her mom had died when she was a little kid. Cancer of some kind, he was told. Still, her dad was always there for her when she needed him, even if he was pulling double shifts at the repair shop. Super villain though? Still unlikely.

And Wasabi's dad was basically his son's biggest fan boy. He was boisterous and loud and loved sharing. Especially sharing about how great his son was. The man was the human version of a dog. Definitely not super villain material.

They were so close to their families that Fred got a little jealous for a moment. Which was stupid, since there was no reason for him to be so petty, and also because they had bigger things to worry about. They had nearly died ten minutes ago, and here he was feeling sorry for himself.

God, he was so sick of feeling so negative all the time. It felt like it had been years since he'd been..well, normal. The last time he really felt like himself had been months ago. During the student showcase.

Okay, he was absolutely not going to think about that right now. He was already tired and vulnerable- he was not going to think of something that was sure to upset him.

He couldn't help but think how much easier it would be to be happy if Tadashi were around though.

Or how much easier it would be if he could just move on.

* * *

"Tadashi, are you okay?" Tooth asked hesitantly, fluttering to his side after his friends had left the room.

He clenched his jaw and felt his hands curl into fists, whipping around to glare at the guardians. " _Am I okay_? How in the world could I be okay after all this?" he snarled.

"I just watched my friends get thrown around like ragdolls by the robot I created to help people! Who can apparently be turned into a ruthless killing machine just by taking his healthcare chip out! ALL BECAUSE MY BABY BROTHER JUST TRIED TO MURDER THE MAN I DIED TRYING TO SAVE!"

The guardians all took a step back at his sudden outburst. Tadashi had always been so polite and unsure of himself that this burst of anger came as a shock to them. Heat was radiating off of him and a couple of them were eyeing Jack nervously for reassurance.

Jack was probably the least surprised about what was happening. He'd be pissed too if it were happening to him.

"Tadashi, how about we calm down. Take a deep breath, yes? Is not good to get so worked up. Perhaps we can discuss this later," North tried to reason with him, holding his hands out placatingly.

" _No_ ," Tadashi said, "We are talking about this _right now_. Starting with what the hell just happened.

"Where were all of you? When we left you guys told me that _you would have my back_. But I was alone! I was the only one who tried to help! And what were all of you doing?!"

His chest was heaving and he felt like he couldn't breathe properly, but for once he couldn't bring himself to care.

Tooth took an anxious step forward and reached out to put a hand on his shoulder."We do have your back! We're here for you Tadashi, but-"

"But what?" he hissed, slapping her hand away. "You can only help me if it involves saving your only skins?"

"Mate, it's more complicated than what you're making it to be," Aster tried to cut in.

"How?! If you want me to understand then you're going to have to start explaining things to me!" he shouted, throwing his arms out in exasperation.

"Tadashi please," Tooth pleaded. "We wanted to help, but we couldn't. We're not supposed to interfere with the mortal world."

"Only when it involves taking kids' teeth and giving them presents," he scoffed.

"We are the guardians of childhood. The children are what we protect. They are the future of the world, and it's our job to make sure that future looks bright. After that it's up to them," she protested.

He just looked at her incredulously. "So what, once they stop believing in you, you throw them to the wolves?"

"No, of course not-"

"Well, it sure sounds like it!" he exclaimed.

He paced back and forth, fingers running through his hair as he tried to get his jumbled thoughts together. The rest of the guardians stood back at a safe distance. He didn't realize he was starting to smolder.

"At the very least, you're telling me that you didn't do anything back there because they weren't children. Which is true, excluding Hiro who is only fourteen years old! He's still a kid, but I guess he doesn't count as one since he doesn't believe in you. Well, guess what? He never has! Does that mean if he was still five years old you'd just let him destroy himself?"

North flushed in indignation. "Of course not! But this is different!"

"Tadashi, we're not supposed to interact with the mortal realm unless it benefits the children. Your brother may not technically be an adult, but he's not a little kid anymore either. We can't interfere with someone like that. When we do it changes everything. Why do you think there are so few adults that believe in us?

"If adults believed the same way children do- it would change the universe as we know it. Your friend Fred is an anomaly. Just one person doesn't make a huge ripple, but if he reveals our existence to more people? That would be something different. Which is why we couldn't interfere back there.

"What would he tell them if we helped? How would he explain what they were seeing?"

He knew what she was saying made sense, but he was still furious. Why did they even bother to come if they couldn't help him?

"Tadashi we know this is hard for you, but there is a bigger picture to look at. I know you still care about your friends, your _family_ , but they're a part of your old life. You'll have to let them go eventually," Tooth said. _And if that didn't just make his blood boil_.

He whirled around to glare at her. "Yeah, _eventually_. I figured that meant I had at least a few years before then. It's only been a few months, yet you expect me to just drop everything I've ever known. You expect me to just give up on everyone who has helped shape me. People who have actually been there for me through thick and thin. People I _trust_." His voice cracked at the last word, and he had to swallow past the lump building in his throat.

"You can trust us," North said, quietly for once.

He looked helplessly at the older man and felt the flames on his skin sizzle out.

"No. I can't."

He didn't wait for them to reply. He ran out of the room intent on joining his friends on Fred's family chopper when something else caught his attention.

In the corner of his eye he saw it.

A red mirror standing down the opposite end of the hallway.

He didn't know where it would take him, but he took a chance.

He leapt through its gem-like surface as the guardians called out to him.

* * *

Jack and the others sprinted after him, but by the time they reached the corridor Tadashi was already jumping through the portal.

And as soon as Tadashi disappeared so did the mirror.

"What the- where did he just go?" he asked. He turned to the others, gesturing wildly at the wall.

"I don't know," North said unhelpfully. Fucking great.

"What? That mirror doesn't just take you somewhere nice to chill? I thought that's what they were supposed to do," he huffed.

Sandy shook his head and starting creating little gold images to communicate. There was an arrow pointing at Jack and what looked to be a stoplight.

"The mirrors don't all connect to the same place, Jack. What Sandy is saying is that the ruby mirror takes you where you need to go," Tooth translated.

"And that means...?"

Aster leaned heavily against the wall beside him and sighed. "It means he could be anywhere. There's no telling where it took him. We might as well cut our losses and find something else to do until he finds his way back."

Jack was hardly a fan of the Easter Bunny and hated to agree with him, but he had a point. There really wasn't anything they could do about it.

"Shit," he cursed as he blasted the scorched floor with a wave of ice.

He'd felt so guilty watching Tadashi while his friends put themselves in harm's way. To be honest, he'd spent enough time tagging along with the other boy that he had gotten a little attached to them too. They were all so amazing. Hiro was this kid genius with a master understanding of robotics, Wasabi was so serious but so caring and gentle, Gogo had a thirst for adventure and danger that it almost made Jack pale in comparison, and Honey was the sweetest, most cheerful chemist he had ever seen. And of course there was Fred.

He had to be more careful when Fred was around. If the human saw him he'd have to explain his way out of why he was creeping around. It was annoying, but what really sucked was how Tadashi never had to sneak around. Jack had to hide while Tadashi just stood in plain sight, wishing to be seen but remaining invisible to his ex. Jack had never been in love before, but he'd always been told it was a wonderful thing. Watching what it did to Tadashi- and Fred, he realized- made it seem so painful.

He'd have to be blind not to see how much they still loved each other. Even after Tadashi's death the two couldn't let go of their feelings. Fred was always looking at the gap in his life where Tadashi ought to be, and Tadashi was left as an outsider looking into his old life.

He knew Tadashi wasn't going to give up on his friends. Not until they passed away in their sleep from old age. He didn't know how the other guardians didn't understand that. They'd all been thrust into guardianship by unfortunate circumstances too. Of course, all their loved ones were long gone.

He wished he could help Tadashi somehow, but he didn't know how. He couldn't even stand by him while he'd fallen apart as his brother tried to kill his professor. Granted, that was because Aster had forcibly removed him before Fred saw him, but still.

He sighed.

There was no knowing where Tadashi had vanished to, but he had a good guess about where he could find the others.

"I'm going to go check up on Tadashi's friends," he said.

The other guardians began to protest, but he waved them off. "It's what Tadashi would want."

They quieted down, realizing he was right. That being said, they refused to let him go alone. It was going to be harder to sneak around Fred as a group, but they weren't to be dissuaded.

The guilt and separation anxiety were probably getting to them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter should actually have character development ooooo~


	15. Bonus: Art is Not What I Create. What I Create is Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bonus chapter full of angst  
> not chronologically set after the last chapter  
> it's literally just here to add angst

Although it surprised a lot of people, Fred was an art major. He had a focus in painting.

He enjoyed it too. It was a relaxing activity in his downtime-and a not so relaxing activity when he had an assignment due. He liked to have the ability to create something himself. He admired all his SFIT friends for their abilities to create mind blowing technology, but he couldn't do that. Instead he could paint.

He was an artist. He created things.

Perhaps he wasn't the most talented painter out there- not by a long shot- but he thought he did pretty good. He doubted he could make an actual career out of it though. His parents certainly didn't think so.

At one point his mother had told him he needed to stop cluttering up the room he used as his studio. Never mind the fact that they had plenty of space in their mansion for him to fill up ten rooms without it being remotely inconvenient.

"Just throw away the stuff you don't think you'll want in the long run," she had told him.

It was far easier said than done.

There were plenty of things Fred had made that he knew he didn't want to keep. Hell, there were some he didn't even like, but that didn't make it any easier to get rid of them.

"Well, I remember in college that I used to have to write a lot of papers, and I still had to get rid of them too," she had said.

To her it must have made sense. To her it was supposed to show that she understood what he was going through. The reality was that she apparently had no idea.

Fred had written dozens of papers too for class. There were even a few that he was quite proud of. But it wasn't the same. Even those papers he'd only had a moment hesitation before dumping them in the garbage. With art it was different. How could he explain that to her though?

It was so hard to explain. People somehow had a way of putting the arts on a pedestal and congratulating you for being able to create something they didn't have the ability to make themselves, yet under appreciating it all the same. They put such an emphasis on how proud you're supposed to be after making something "artsy", but they expect you to be able to give up anything you make without complaint.

It was painful. As an art student he put so much time and effort into his projects because his grades depended on them. He had to push himself to do his best every time, even if his best wasn't very good. Every project was a test on his skill with a brush, on his abilities to engage an audience, and how to learn from the process.

Writing a paper was different. He worked hard on those too, but in the end it was just one person reading what he wrote and slapping on a grade. It was just about relaying what information he knew.

He couldn't throw away his paintings. He couldn't bear to think of all his hard work just sitting in the garbage. He'd done it before with other projects from foundation classes, and it had always left him feeling wrong.

But he had to get rid of them somehow.

* * *

 

He ended up burning them.

One at a time he'd light them on fire and watch them turn to ash.

They didn't deserve to lie wasting away in the trash, until old age and decay finally rotted them away. So instead he lit them up and let them disappear quickly. Better to let them die while they still had something beautiful left.

Heathcliff found him sometimes while he was watching the flames curl away his canvases. He never said anything, but Fred got the feeling that he didn't approve. Of what, he wasn't sure. Perhaps it was the smell of burning oil paint that he didn't like. Perhaps it was watching Fred destroy what he had spent so much effort making. Fred didn't know, and he didn't ask.

He was an artist, and he destroyed things.

* * *

 

His mother had been eyeing his studio in a way that he knew meant he had too much stuff accumulating again.

He'd been painting a lot in the last few months. All of his paintings and drawings were of one subject.

Tadashi.

The room was covered in his image. Fred couldn't seem to stop.

No matter how many times he tried to recreate his boyfriend, he could never get it quite right. There was always something that he failed to perfect. There were a lot of them that came close to what Tadashi was, but there was always something missing.

In one painting it was the color of his eyes that looked wrong, even though it matched the hue on the photograph he'd used as a reference. On another one it was the smile that didn't look the way Fred kept seeing in his mind. There was a charcoal drawing where the curve of his spine failed to catch the natural grace that Tadashi used to have.

He could tell his mother was restraining herself because she knew about his failed relationship. But there was only so much time before the inevitable. One day she'd come up to him and tell him to move on, and throw away the ones he didn't want to keep.

He didn't want to keep any of them. He couldn't even bear to look at them as soon as he finished making them. He wished he didn't have to torture himself with Tadashi's image everywhere, but he couldn't stop.

He was afraid that if he stopped he would forget. He didn't want to forget. Not a single second. Not a single detail of the boy he had loved. Of the boy he still loved.

He couldn't throw them away. He'd never been able to throw his work away.

But he couldn't burn them either. It wouldn't be a quick release to keep his work from a slow fade away to nothing.

It would be agony.

If he set a match against them it would be like he was lighting the fire Tadashi had died in.

He couldn't do that to Tadashi.

He had tried just once to see if he was making a big deal out of nothing. He'd taken a simple sketch and with trembling hands, thrown it in the fireplace.

It took only seconds before he realized what a horrible idea the whole thing had been.

Without thinking, he leapt forward and dug it out of the flames.

Heathcliff found him there, sobbing into charred paper with scorched sleeves and mild burns on his hands.

He hadn't tried to console him with weak words of comfort, just treated his hands and bandaged them carefully.

His parents weren't home when it happened. They didn't even come back until long after his hands were healed. It was likely they never even knew it happened.

* * *

 

He had a room full of pictures that he couldn't get rid of.

A room full of pictures that he didn't want.

A room full of pictures that held everything he wanted.

A room full of pictures that held something he was never going to get back no matter how many times he tried.

He was an artist, and all he created was chaos. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title comes from the stripped version of Colors by Halsey.  
> Sorry I haven't updated anything in a while, but I do not have a functioning laptop anymore. Hopefully I'll be able to get one in the next couple months, but we'll see. Fingers crossed.  
> lol sorry I only returned briefly to vent and give angst
> 
> also I decided not to make him a poetry major this time. I thought it would be fun if we shared majors lol. That great painting at Fred's house? One of his classmates made it for his birthday. He's gonna keep it forever.


	16. Let's Be Angst Buddies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what time is it? time for more backstory that's what

Tadashi didn't know what to expect when he jumped through the red mirror. He remembered Tooth telling him that all the mirrors led to different places, but they'd never picked up their conversation where they'd left off.

So far it seemed like it had just deposited him on some random hillside. It had a nice view of a cozy little town, but there was nothing special about it. Maybe it was just supposed to give him a different place to relax than the endless clouds of the midnight mirror.

He huffed out a sigh and sat down on the grass, resigning himself to his thoughts.

He plucked a handful of dry grass out of the dirt and fiddled with the strands. It took him a second before he realized the soft glow behind him wasn't coming from the moon.

He whirled around and stumbled to his feet, afraid that he'd been found by one of the guardians already. Perhaps they'd followed him through the mirror? For some reason it hadn't occurred to him before that they might do that.

To his great relief- and even greater surprise- it was not another one of the guardians behind him. Not one of the ones he'd befriended anyway.

Nightlight hovered a few inches off the ground, head tilted curiously at him. Apparently he hadn't been expecting to see him either.

"Oh. It's you," Tadashi said lamely.

Nightlight nodded and quirked a small smile at him.

Tadashi shuffled on his feet awkwardly. He hadn't expected anyone to be with him when he jumped through the mirror, and to be honest he'd rather hoped no one would be. He was just so confused and lost... He wanted time alone to think things through or brood or _something_.

"Um, thanks, you know...for last time. I would have been a goner for sure if you hadn't saved me," he said. He may not have wanted company, but he still had his manners.

Nightlight smiled sadly at him and waved away his thanks. He gave Tadashi a meaningful look as if to say "what are you doing here?"

Tadashi sighed. It looked like the universe was intent on making him confront his problems with another person. Lovely.

"It's nothing. I just... I needed to get away. From... everything," he mumbled, scuffing his feet.

Nightlight pointed to the mirror with a look of understanding.

Tadashi made a quiet noise of assent and the two descended into awkward silence. He was really hoping that Nightlight would just leave it at that and drift off elsewhere, but it seemed as though the other had different plans.

He floated closer to Tadashi and gestured vaguely at him.

Tadashi cocked his head, confused. Even after all his time with Sandy he still hadn't quite gotten the hang of completely nonverbal communication.

Nightlight huffed out a quiet laugh. "Perhaps it would be easier if I spoke with my voice. What's your name, young one?" he asked. His voice was soft and melodic.

Tadashi flushed, mildly embarrassed at his inability to communicate without words. "Tadashi. Tadashi Hamada." He was starting to get used to telling every nonhuman spirit that.

"Tell me Tadashi- what is it you're running from?"

Tadashi almost told him that he wasn't running from anything, but they both knew it would have been a lie.  Instead he sat back down on the hill and ripped more grass out to fiddle with. "Something happened. It's... complicated. But my friends- they needed help. And I wanted to help them, but I couldn't because I'm not- I'm not alive anymore," he said miserably. He would give anything to be able to return to his old life.

Nightlight looked at him for a few moments before coming to sit beside him in silence. Unlike before, it didn't feel tense or uncomfortable.

Tadashi took the moment to observe the other more closely. Nightlight had the youthful appearance of a teenager, but his eyes spoke of age far beyond that of mortals. The green hue of them really stuck out in comparison to the rest of him, which was perpetually bathed in a soft blue light. His eyes were the only part of him that held true color; the rest of him was just...white. He didn't seem as clearly defined either. Kind of like looking at stars- he was a shape that was mostly there, but he was sort of fuzzy around the edges.

He was also wearing some rather battered looking armor and holding a staff that curled around the top. There was also a crystal clear dagger strapped to his side. Tadashi wondered what it was for. Maybe he wore it in case he had to fight the fearlings?

He snapped out of his musing when Nightlight spoke again.

"It's hard to begin a new life. I imagine it's like waking up in a while new world. Although yours would be more familiar, I think," he said, smiling ruefully. Tadashi would have asked what he meant, but Nightlight beat him to it.

"I was asleep for a long time. I don't know if the other guardians told you, but I once fought and defeated Pitch Black. I stabbed him in the heart with my charge's first tear. But when I did, I got sucked inside Pitch's heart. I'm not sure how or why it happened, but it did. And while he lay unconscious, so did I. Thus, when he woke, so did I.

"I was very weak when I opened my eyes for the first time in millennia. I was hardly more than a thin wisp of light at that point. The moonbeam that found us didn't even realize I was there. It never even noticed when I clung to it to escape from Pitch. I suppose it was rather preoccupied, but that's alright. I didn't mind. I needed time to think and process what had happened.

"The last I remembered I was fighting on the battlefield between Pitch and the family I served. Yet when I awoke the Lunanoffs were nowhere to be found. There was only the dark, dreary cave and Pitch. And I wanted to be as far from him as possible.

"It was painful for me to be near him. Physically... and mentally."

He seemed to dim at the memory of waking after eons of being encased in Pitch's heart. Tadashi reached out a tentative hand to place it on his shoulder in what he hoped seemed sympathetic.

Nightlight gave him another sad smile and continued his story.

"We used to be very close, Pitch and I. We may not have been able to see each other as often as we would have liked, but the time we shared together was precious to both of us. At least, I like to think he enjoyed it as much as I did.

"I'm afraid there's much about Pitch I no longer know. Though perhaps saying that I ever understood Pitch Black is a lie. When I knew him he was called Kozmotis Pitchiner. A good name for a good man," he mused to himself.

Nightlight turned his face to the stars. "It hurts to see the ones we love in pain, doesn't it?" he asked. It sounded rhetorical, so Tadashi didn't answer.

"That's why it hurts me so much to see Pitch. Every time I look at him I think of how much pain he must be in." He turned to look at Tadashi's appalled expression.

"It's an odd sentiment, I know. But I think everyone has forgotten that what happened to him when he got possessed is still happening to him now. The fearlings will twist your mind every second until they get what they want. And what they want is total domination over our universe. I think we can agree that they have not succeeded yet.

"The Guardians look at Pitch and they see an evil man without hope for redemption. I look at Pitch and I see a captive of the fearlings."

Nightlight closed his eyes and leaned back so his weight rested on his elbows, letting his staff lay on the ground. Tadashi watched him in careful thought.

"You- how did you find out about what happened to him? When he got...possessed," Tadashi said warily.

Nightlight gave no sign of displeasure besides a tiny sigh. "We had drifted apart when it happened. Much time had passed since I'd last seen him, but I wanted to visit him and try to mend our fraying bond. I could hear the fearlings whispering to him as I drew closer, but that was nothing too unusual. They were always trying to escape their prison. What was unusual was him replying to them. He always ignored them before, but I could hear him pleading with them. I ran as fast as I could, but I was still too late. I rounded the corner to his post just in time to see his hands reach the mirror."

That caught Tadashi's attention. "Mirror?"

Nightlight nodded and gestured at the red mirror behind them. "All the mirrors are portals. The ruby mirror takes you where you need to go. The midnight mirror takes you to a place where you can think. The diamond mirror will take you to the world of Lethe and wash away your memories. The obsidian mirror leads to the home of the fearlings.

"The fearlings are not originally from this universe. Occasionally some would slip through the cracks, but the people had no way to trace them back to their source. Until one day the obsidian mirror was found and it became clear that they originated from a separate universe from this one.

"Naturally, the people didn't feel safe having a portal to a universe of such dark creatures lying around where anyone could find it. So they hid it away deep in the dungeons where it would be guarded by their strongest protector: Kozmotis Pitchiner. Little did they know that this would be their downfall."

Tadashi had a lot of information to process that night. He had jumped through the ruby mirror to clear his head, yet somehow he only seemed to be cluttering it further. Although he had to admit, he did prefer hearing Nightlight talk about his old life rather than brooding over his own.

He had a multitude of questions, but at least these new ones could be answered.

"You keep saying 'this' universe and talk about the people back then as if they weren't your own. But you lived with them during that time, didn't you?" How could he not if he had witnessed what happened to Pitch? Was he that much younger than Pitch? How much time had passed between the day they'd found the mirror and the day Pitch fell?

Nightlight looked at him with an air of approval.

"You're very observant aren't you?" he laughed. It sounded like bells chiming. "I too, am an outsider to this universe. In fact, I come from the same universe as the fearlings."

Tadashi stiffened in surprise. Out of all the things he'd been expecting, that option had been extremely low in the list. Nightlight only looked at him with a gentle smile.

"My people are beings of light. We have fought the fearlings since the dawn of time. We were created in opposition of each other to balance the forces of nature out. For there can be no darkness without light, and no light without darkness. The sad truth of that, is that it means we are too evenly matched to fully destroy the other. The best we can to is fend each other off and push each other back.

"I came to this universe by accident. I was fighting a group of fearlings and by chance, fell through a crack in my universe into this one with them.

"The native people of this universe were familiar with fearlings by then, but they were completely taken aback by me. Fortunately they were friendly to me when it became apparent that I was no friend of the fearlings. And ever since then I have remained here to help defend this universe from the fearlings," he finished.

Tadashi bit his lip, unsure if he should continue with his questioning. The other must have been able to tell he had more to say though because he encouraged him with a little nod.

"If the mirror is a portal to the fearlings' world, and it's your world as well... Why didn't you ever return home?" If Tadashi had the chance to return to his life he would take it in a heartbeat.

Nightlight looked sadly at him. "It has been long enough that I am certain my place is here. In the beginning I would not have been opposed to going back to my home, to my family and friends. Over time, however, I built a new life with new friends and people to call family.

"I never tried to return through the obsidian mirror because it was so fiercely guarded by fearlings on the other side that I was sure I would be killed if I ever stepped through. Yet even if they abandoned their watch and the portal was left unguarded, I would stay here. This is my home now. Even if it's no longer the home I remember."

Tadashi had to fight back his tears. Nightlight was so calm and accepting of his fate, no matter what obstacles were thrown his way, but what about Tadashi? Ever since he died it seemed like everything was spiraling out of control for him. He didn't have the confidence that Nightlight did- he didn't have a home anymore either. He was just...existing.

A hand on his cheek made him realize that he'd failed in his efforts not to cry. Great.

He pushed the other's hand away. "Sorry. I'm fine. It's fine. I'm just...I'm fine," he sobbed.

Nightlight withdrew his hand and waited patiently. It was clear that he intended to hear what was bothering Tadashi.

"I'm just... lost. I'm lost. I don't know what I'm doing- what I'm supposed to do. Everyone says I'm supposed to be a guardian and be this great protector of kids, but I'm useless. I can't do anything. The best I can do is make a tiny flame in my hands, and that takes loads of concentration and practice," he confessed.

He peeked at Nightlight through his hands to gauge his reaction. The other just sat there without saying anything.

"I dunno. I just don't think I belong...here. Or anywhere. I thought when I died there would just be...nothing. But instead there's this whole other world I never knew about, and then the guardians showed up and told me I had a destiny with them or whatever... But I think they made a mistake. I'm not like them. I can't just let go of my old life, and I'm not strong like they are. I can't help anyone. I can't even help myself," he trailed off.

They sat there in silence, Tadashi's words floating around them in the cool night breeze.

Eventually Nightlight spoke up. "I think you're underestimating yourself. You're under a lot of pressure, and you've been thrust into a whole new life, but you have more worth than you think. You're just floundering a little, but I can see in you that there is great potential."

Tadashi snorted at that. He might have had potential in the robotics industry back when he was alive, but he didn't have any here.

Nightlight pulled his attention back to him with a hand on his shoulder.

"You can't see your own potential because you wear it on your back, but I can see it clearly." He stood up and Tadashi scrambled to follow.

There was something about Nightlight that drew Tadashi to him. He just felt so familiar to him, even though they'd only met briefly before. It was strange. But then again, so was everything these days.

"Look inside yourself, and you will find what it is you think you're missing," Nightlight said, picking up his staff.

His feet lifted off the ground and he floated closer to Tadashi to tap him gently on the chest with his free hand before flying away.

Tadashi stood there dumbfounded, warmth spreading out from where the other had touched his chest. The warmth seeped into his back and he could feel the itch between his shoulder blades return. Somehow it didn't bother him as much as before.

He still wasn't sure what was going on or what he was going to do when he saw the Guardians again, but he felt better than when he left. It was time to head back.

He returned to the mirror, took a deep breath, and stepped into its smooth surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taking a lot of liberties with nightlight's past history, sorry william joyce. Also I know Nightlight's not one much for talking, but daaaammmmmnnnn he talks a lot in this fic lmao
> 
> Tadashi you can quit your worrying now cuz you're gonna find your place in the world real soon.


	17. Everything Hurts All the Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaaaannnnddd back to Fred

Fred was trying so hard to keep it together.

It had been a wild day, but he was an adult and couldn't afford to get caught up in his own feelings. They had much bigger things to worry about.

Mainly, they had to figure out how to keep Professor Callaghan from completely destroying Kreitech.

The group decided it was best to sleep on it before trying to really tackle it though, so it looked like it was time to get some rest. He couldn't blame them- they had all had a very rough day. From psychological mind fucks to getting physically thrown into walls, the group had plenty of reason to turn in.

There was just one more thing he had to do.

Gogo, Honey, and Wasabi all filed out of the Hamada's garage to return home, but Fred stayed behind to talk to Hiro.

Hiro, Fred thought, had the worst day out of them all. Not to say that the rest of them hadn't just experienced the shittiest day of their lives, but at least they didn't have to wonder about how they'd almost killed someone in cold blood.

Yeah, Hiro seemed to be in a much better state of mind than when he ditched them, and they all shared a tearful reunion where he apologized, but still.... The kid had to be beating himself up over what happened.

"Um, Hiro?" he asked hesitantly. The younger boy startled at his voice, nearly dropping the chunk of Baymax's armor he was holding.

He turned to face the other sheepishly. "Oh, hey Fred. Sorry, I didn't realize you were still here. Um, what's up?"

"Are you okay? And I mean, like, _really_ okay. You've been through a lot today."

Hiro shuffled around awkwardly on his feet, setting the piece of Baymax's armor carefully. He gave Fred a weak smile, but the older boy continued to stare intently at him. In the end he sighed, giving up.

"I mean... not totally, no. I wish I was, but... I'm not. I'm really not. I almost- I almost killed Professor Callaghan back there. I would have succeeded if you guys hadn't been there to stop me. And it just makes me think: what if you guys never came down to the docks that night? What if you guys weren't there to stop me? I'd be a murderer then," he whispered, head down and eyes glued to the ground.

Fred stepped closer and pulled Hiro into a tight hug. "You're not though. We were there, and you didn't kill him. You're a good kid, Hiro."

He felt Hiro's bitter laughter vibrate against his chest. "I don't know about that. Good people don't try and kill other people."

Fred squeezed him a little tight at that. "Good people make mistakes, just like everyone else. Good people are capable of terrible things. The difference between a good person and a bad person is that the good person admits when they've done something wrong and does their best to avoid repeating their mistakes. And I know you regret what happened and that you won't try it again. Therefore, you're a good person." He pulled away to look Hiro in the eye and make sure the other understood that he meant it.

There was a wet sheen to Hiro's eyes, but there was also a small, genuine smile on his face.

"Thanks, Fred. I um... I needed to hear that. You're a- you're a good guy too. I just- I kind of wonder- I mean I know I shouldn't, and that he probably would, but-" he stuttered, unsure of how to get the question out of his head.

"Do you think Tadashi would think so too?” he eventually blurted out.

And it was stupid. He shouldn’t have been asking a question like that. It was a stupid question. And he said as much to Fred.

“Sorry, I didn’t- that wasn’t. Sorry. It was... It was a stupid question. I mean, it’s not important. And I mean, it’s not like I should be asking you about what Tadashi would have thought. There’s no reason why you’d like, understand what was going through his head all the time. I mean, why would you? It’s not like he told guys a lot about me before I met you, right?” he rambled.

Was it his imagination or did Fred wince at that?

“Um...actually, buddy...” he trailed off like he had more to say. Hiro raised an eyebrow and gestured for him to continue.

Fred sighed. “Well, you know your brother really likes- liked- to compartmentalize his life, right? So you didn’t hear a lot about us because he kept his whole school life separate from his home life, but uh... He didn’t always keep his home life separate from his school life? He talked about you a lot actually. Specifically you.”

Hiro blinked at him in surprise because what the hell? When he thought back on it, Honey did say when they first met that she’d heard a lot about him....

“Also, even though he tried to keep from getting too out of focus while he was working, it didn’t keep him from talking about his home life in private. I mean, he and I used to talk about our families all the time when we hung out alone.”

He supposed that made sense. “So, you guys used to hang out alone a lot?” Hiro asked. He meant it in a lighthearted joking kind of way, but Fred looked almost pained.

There was a light flush to his cheeks, and he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Which was weird, and not at all the kind of reaction that Hiro had expected. He thought Fred would just laugh it off- maybe give him a light shove. Not look like a nervous, sad puppy.

“Fred?”

He huffed out a quiet breath. “Um... I guess that’s something else I should tell you about... You see- Tadashi and I- we were sort of, um... Oh boy. We were, um, dating. When he... passed,” Fred managed to stumble out. He glanced at Hiro and almost laughed at the shocked look on his face.

He slid a chair behind him and nudged the younger boy so that he dropped into it. He gave Hiro a few minutes to gather his thoughts together.

Just when he thought he might go out of his mind with concern, Hiro spoke up. “You and Tadashi... You guys were dating? For how long?”

Fred scratched his chin in thought. “Hmm. I think we were coming close to four months? I’m not totally sure. Honey might. She was better at keeping track of that kind of thing. She was really excited when we got together. Started taking pictures like crazy. We made a scrapbook- it’s at my place. But that’s uh, not really important.”

“Four months...and he never told me,” Hiro lamented, sinking further into his seat.

“Hey, man,” Fred said, kneeling down in front of him. “It’s not like he didn’t want you to know. I think he was just a little, you know, nervous. Coming out is hard. But I know he wanted to tell you about it and that he would have eventually. He just needed a little more...time. I think he was real close to telling you, but he didn’t want to distract you from the showcase. He just...never got the chance.”

And wasn’t that what everything seemed to boil down to these days?

Tadashi never got the chance to do anything. He was taken away so abruptly, so needlessly, and now everyone was scrambling to try and find purchase in the wake of his death.

Some even more than Hiro realized before.

He took a good look at his friend- at the faint bags under his eyes, the underlying exhaustion that seemed to shadow his every move- and realized just how hard Fred must have been taking Tadashi’s death. It wasn’t every day your boyfriend died, after all.

He wished he could go back in time and save Tadashi. He wished that the showcase had gone off without a hitch, that Tadashi could have come and told him about his relationship with Fred himself, that his brother was there with them, smiling and laughing and nagging him to do better.

He wished he could make the sad look in Fred’s eyes disappear by giving his brother back to him.

But he couldn’t.

All he had was himself. It would have to do.

“Thanks for telling me about this. I... I really appreciate it. And Fred?”

“Yeah, buddy?” he asked, rising to his feet and brushing the dust off his suit.

Hiro took a deep breath and reminded himself that things were going to be okay. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or the day after that. But eventually things would be okay again. “Mind showing me that scrapbook sometime?”

Fred huffed out a quiet laugh. “Sure thing, Hiro.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short chapter. I haven't been feeling like writing lately lol. But I did bang this out in just a few hours last night, so whatever. Also thank god I finally have my laptop back.


	18. How Did I Get Here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yooooooooooooooooooo I'm finally updating this after like a million years!!!  
> We return to Tadashi for a brief moment!

Tadashi stepped through the mirror and halted.

For some reason he had expected to end up back where he'd left the Guardians. He was definitely not back in the abandoned lab like he thought he would be.

He was.... Where was he?

He turned around just in time to see the red mirror blink out of existence as if it had never been there in the first place, replaced by a never ending snowscape.

That seemed about right, considering how shitty his luck had been recently.

All around him there was nothing but snow. Snow to the left, snow to the right, snow in front, and snow behind. And if he looked up there was plenty of snow falling in lazy patterns around him.

Also, it was freezing.

He just couldn't catch a break could he?

_Okay, Tadashi, think this through_. _There has to be some way to get out of here_.

"I wonder why I ended up here..." he mumbled to himself. "Nightlight said it was supposed to take me where I needed to go, but why in the world would I need to go here?" He scratched his head and sighed, completely at a loss. Maybe some other spirit or what not would show up to give him more words of wisdom.

He took another careful look around.

Nope, still nothing but snow.

A shiver wracked through his body, and he clutched his thin blazer tighter against his body. Honestly, you'd think he wouldn't have to go through this sort of nonsense now that he wasn't alive anymore, but here he was freezing his ass off anyways.

This was ridiculous.

He shouldn't be out here, God knows where, turning into an undead popsicle! He had things to do! People to check on! He didn't have time for this!

The incessant itch on his back spiked to new levels of discomfort. He wished it would go away, but no matter how many times he scratched it the damn thing just wouldn't disappear. So not only did he have to deal with it driving him crazy, he also had to deal with the cold. Swell.

Well, he couldn't get rid of the itch, but maybe he could solve the cold problem.

He brought his shaking hands out in front of him, closing his eyes and concentrating on the pit of warmth he could always find at his center.

He tugged on the heat and smiled as he felt it spread out from his core to flow through his arms and hands, until he felt a telltale flicker of flames tickling his palms.

Surprisingly, he felt the warmth spread to the burning itch on his back as well.

Huh. Weird. Did that mean something?

A sudden gust of freezing wind broke his train of thought, and he was forced to curl himself into a crouching position and protect the small fire in his hands. He wasn't sure he'd have the energy to make another one, so he was going to have to try and keep this one going as long as possible.

He had to get moving. His friends needed him. Hiro needed him.

He stood again and began his long trek towards civilization.

* * *

Nearly an hour later nothing had changed, except that Tadashi was even more exhausted, colder, and getting more desperate by the minute.

The flame in his palms had shrunk to the size of a small apple.

He stumbled along blindly, praying that he'd make it back to his friends soon. It was pretty clear though that he was miles away from them and was unlikely to see them anytime soon. It would be a miracle if he saw them within the next twenty four hours.

His foot slipped over an icy outcrop, sending him tumbling over the edge.

He hit the ground hard, expelling all the air from his lungs in a harsh wheeze and extinguishing the fire he had so carefully preserved.

Tadashi took quick gasping breaths and held back tears.

He wondered vaguely if his tears would freeze on his cheeks before they had the chance to hit the snow if he started crying.

Suffice to say he was miserable.

He could barely feel his limbs- although his entire left side now ached through the numbness- he was tired, he was stranded in a blizzard, and worst of all he couldn't make sure his friends were okay.

He wanted nothing more than to curl up there and cry his heart out, but he knew it would be useless. The elements would hardly take pity on him just because he shed a few tears.

Slowly he picked himself up off the ground so that he could huddle over in a seated position, a mere three feet from another drop off on the icy cliff. Truth be told, he hadn't even realized he was on a cliff in the first place since all the snow obscured his vision. The bone deep weariness didn't help.

He should try to make another fire.

He cupped his hands together and tried to call the flames to his fingertips again, but all he got was a small puff of smoke. His fingers were so numb that he wasn't sure he could conjure that sort of warmth out of them anyways.

"Come on," he whispered as if saying it would actually help.

After a few more minutes where nothing happened he gave up, choosing to shove his frozen hands between his legs and chest and rest his head on his knees.

He wondered what his friends were doing right now. Were they okay? He knew they had gotten off the island alright, but what happened after that? How were they holding up after Professor Callaghan's betrayal? Were any of them injured? Had anyone checked on Hiro?

God, he was useless.

Even if he was with them it wasn't like he could _do_ anything for them. He was dead for crying out loud.

No. He couldn't think like that.

Nightlight said he had potential. And for whatever reason, Tadashi felt inclined to believe him. There was just something about the other spirit that Tadashi trusted. So he listened when Nightlight told him that he was worth more than he thought. He just had to look inside himself.

The Man in the Moon had chosen him to be a Guardian. He was not useless. He had worth.

He was Tadashi Hamada, and he did not give up. No matter how hard things got, no matter how tough the going got, he never let it keep him down for long. After hitting rock bottom the only way to go was up. It didn't matter if no one else believed in him because he had to believe in himself.

He could do this.

He believed in himself when no one else would. That was hard to remember sometimes, especially since his death, but Nightlight reminded him of that.

He had to be brave and believe in his own worth.

There was a pinching sensation in his back, right between his shoulder blades. This time he directed that spark in his core to flow to it. He'd always been trying to focus that warmth into his hands, into an outlet that he could picture easily. This time he let his instincts take over.

He stepped to the edge of the cliff and breathed deeply.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

The heat between his shoulder blades flared out, reaching around to cocoon him from wind and cold.

The edges of his lips curled up in a smile for the first time in what felt like years.

He leapt off the edge, the rush of air whistling past his ears as he fell towards his future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me like half a year to get to, but in fairness last semester I was too busy to update literally anything. This semester I have way more time, so no excuse for the past couple months lol. On the bright side, I actually think I might update this fic again next instead of moving on to the next one because I have a very clear idea what I want to address in the next chapter, plus I was originally thinking of putting the next chapter in this one but then decided to split it up for reasons.
> 
> Story related notes: HAHAHA HE'S FINALLY GETTING SOMEWHERE WITH HIS STUPID POWERS I KEEP FORGETTING TO GET INTO  
> But seriously though, I keep forgetting that characters need to like...grow and not just suffer lmao. I mean yeah, he still suffers a lot anyways because apparently that's just how I roll.


	19. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baaaaack to Fred again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SAID I WAS GOING TO UPDATE THIS AGAIN NEXT AND I SUCCEEDED

It was nearing eleven o'clock by the time Fred left Hiro to his own ruminations. He ducked out of the garage, waving at his friend before it closed behind him.

It was time for him to head back to his own home.

It was a nice night out, so he figured he would just walk there. Besides, it would give him time to think. You know, more than he already had that night- which was a lot, but in fairness he had a megaton to think about. It wasn't everyday you found out a high esteemed professor was a super villain that had inadvertently caused the death of your boyfriend, thus causing said boyfriend’s brother to try and avenge him with murder.

He only got a few blocks before a flash of gold to his left caught his attention.

Of course. Every time he thought his day would get the slightest bit better life would throw him another curveball.

He sighed. "Okay, you guys can stop skulking around. I know you're there, and it's not like there's anyone else around to question my sanity if they see me talking to what looks like open air," he said, throwing a pointed look at the corner of a brick building.

The group shuffled out of their hiding spot sheepily.

"Ahaha, hello my dear boy," Santa said, scratching the back of his head nervously. "It is, uh, nice evening, yes?"

Fred was unimpressed. "Uh huh," he said, giving the large man another look. He was not in the mood to put up with their bullshit today. He had taken them at their face value before because Tadashi's death had still been so fresh that he'd been desperate enough to grasp at whatever would distract him from it, but now....

No. He was not going to listen to their clumsy excuses. Something was up with them. And he had a hunch it had to do with Tadashi.

"No, you know what- I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry, but this has to stop. I know you guys don't follow me around on occasion because you think I have some important role in the future or whatever. And I don't care about that- I really don't. But you're clearly following me around for _some_ reason, so will you just tell me why? I mean, I'm trying to wrap my head around it, but nothing makes sense anymore."

He looked pleadingly at them, hoping they would give him a break and just tell him the truth.

The Tooth Fairy fluttered to the front of the pack to address him. "Fred, please understand.... There's some things we can't tell you," she said, reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder.

He grit his teeth and held back a very ungentlemanly snarl. " _Why_? What did I do to deserve this- this- this weird supernatural pity party?!" he exclaimed, making her draw back her hand abruptly.

That made him feel a little bad, but he was still upset, and he had a point to make.

"Please just- just listen, okay? I don't know what this is all about, but I think- no, I _know_ it has something to do with Tadashi."

The group froze at his words, casting frantic looks at each other as they tried to figure out what to say.

Fred threw his arms up in exasperation. "See- right there! You panic each time I say his name! And I remember you said his name yourselves when you first appeared in my room! Obviously, this has something to do with him. I just don't know what!"

"Mate, calm down," the Easter Bunny said, pulling the Tooth Fairy away from Fred. Like he was trying to protect her from him.

The back of his eyes burned.

God, he wanted to stop, but he couldn't. There was something inside him that _needed_ to get out.

"I don't understand! It makes no sense! How could you possibly have anything to do with Tadashi? I mean he was way more realistic than me- there's no way he believed in you guys! He probably stopped believing you guys existed when he was like three!"

"Guys, maybe we should just tell him," said Jack Frost, looking as unimpressed, albeit less frustrated as Fred felt.

The Sandman nodded his head furiously, pouting and pointing at Fred.

"I just don't get it!" he yelled. " _How can this be about Tadashi when he's dead_?"

He wanted to scream, to pull his hair out, and to cry enough tears that it would flood the city, but he knew that none of it would help. He thought he had pulled himself together earlier, but he hadn't really. He just stitched himself together long enough to make sure Hiro was okay. Hiro was doing better, but now Fred was coming apart at the seams.

" _Guys_ ," Jack warned, looking at the sky.

"No, no, we have to consider our options," Santa said, "This is big deal! We should regroup once we find Tada- when we find last Guardian."

Fred didn't miss his little slip up. "There it is again! It's like- it's like you're talking about him like he's still here! But he's not! He's gone, and he's not coming back no matter how much I want him to. And I've accepted that but _damn it_ \- that doesn't make it stop hurting. And it hurts so much because I want to believe that he's still around. I want to believe that maybe one day I'll turn around, and he'll be there again," he said. His voice had gotten quieter with every word until the last one was barely a whisper.

The silence that followed was nearly suffocating, only disrupted by his heaving breaths as he tried to hold back his tears.

"Then why don't you?"

His head shot up to stare at Jack in confusion. "What?"

The group surrounding them looked just as perplexed.

"Why don't you try believing that he'll come back? It might do you some good. It might do all of us some good," Jack replied, eyes still focused on something in the sky.

 _This is crazy_ , Fred thought to himself. _This is a terrible idea. There's no way Tadashi could come back._

_Could he?_

Back in the chopper Honey had told them something strange. He'd put it up to wishful thinking- they all had. She said when Baymax had gone dark she heard someone telling her what to do. She said she thought it was Tadashi.

He turned around slowly, trying to find what it was that Jack was looking at.

Something was on fire.

No, wait....not something.... _someone_.

He looked the same as Fred remembered him, although his clothes looked a little singed. Oh, and he had these massive wings of flame sprouting out of his back as he swooped down, stumbling on his landing.

Fred could have sworn his heart had stopped.

"Guys! You won't believe what happened! I mean, you probably would because you see crazy stuff all the time, but it was amazing! I mean, actually it was kind of terrible and I was worried I might die again, but look what I can do now!" Tadashi burst out, waving at his wings as if any of them could possibly miss them.

He was so excited it melted Fred's heart.

"Why are you all looking at me like that?" Tadashi asked, losing some of his exuberance.

"Tadashi?" Fred breathed out, the knot in his chest finally unraveling a bit after months where it only grew tighter.

His boyfriend- or was it ex-boyfriend? They'd only broken up because Tadashi was gone, but he was back now.... Whatever he was, Tadashi's eyes snapped to Fred and widened in shock. The flames on his back extinguished, plunging the street into near darkness until their eyes adjusted again.

He spoke softly, not daring to speak at full volume for fear of breaking whatever illusion was in front of him. “Fred?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOOHOOHOOHOOHOO THEY'RE FINALLY REUNITED AND I SCREAMED THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH  
> Boy, can you believe this fic is 19 chapters long and 40 thousand odd words???? Wild.


End file.
